ForumsThe TavernCult of George (READ FOR ENLIGHTENMENT!!)

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thisisnotanalt
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thisisnotanalt
9,824 posts
Shepherd

Yet another "mock religion, created only to mock religion itself," except this one is true! The Cult of George is based around the belief that the spork is the symbol for balance in the Universe. George represents the balanced force in the Universe; he also created the spork as a monument to his power.
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Pam is the evil force in the Universe, the inventor of the fork. She wishes to destroy the good side of the Universe, thus rending reality to shreds and destroying the Universe.
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Knifello is the force of good in the Universe, the inventor of the spoon. Knifello wishes to destroy the evil side of the Universe, thus rending reality to pieces and destroying the Universe.
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George is the culmination and combination of their powers. He is the balanced force in the Universe; wishing to keep reality together. So, he created sporks as a way to join good and evil together.
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We worship George as a way to fuel his power and hold the Universe together. We feed him the elements of existence to increase his power. These elements are:
Water/Ice
Wind/Pizza (long story)
Earth/Life
Me and JZ are the grandmasters, the first to realize George's powers. We each possess an element. I possess water/ice. JZ possesses wind/pizza.
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As you prove your worth to George, your rank within the Cult will increase.
Grandmaster
Master
Guru
Chieftain
Prophet
Acolyte
Neophyte
Recruit
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George also points out evil souls. These people are called targets. We inform targets of their target status, and they are left to figure out the meaning.
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If George chooses so, then ypu may follow the Path of the Orange. You may follow this path if orange juice from a Valencia or Navel orange sttrikes you randomly in the eye. You will then go on the path of the Orange. The POTO ranks are as follows:
Messiah
Vessel
Binder
Askar
Swami
Footpather
Citrus
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We must pay tribute to George in order for reality to remain intact. Help George and join today!

  • 69 Replies
thisisnotanalt
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thisisnotanalt
9,824 posts
Shepherd

George is absolutely unkillable. If you shoot George with a high-powered rifle in the head, he will absorb it's power. If any weapon is used to attack George, he'll just absorb it's power. . .he is invincible.
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*invokes Grandmaster abilities* By the will of
George, this thread has been revived!

jezz
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jezz
3,338 posts
Farmer

Welcome back, thread.
How could anyone want to kill George?
George is amazing. -all hailz-

trood
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trood
28 posts
Nomad

Just so everybody knows, I am the official Messiah of George. Ask Alt, because it is truly the true truth.

thisisnotanalt
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thisisnotanalt
9,824 posts
Shepherd

@trood: Yes, it is! Trood, AKA Tar, is the only messiah of George as of yet. Soon, he will be holy messiah. . . .

Cholokid
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Cholokid
1,668 posts
Shepherd

You do realize George is my duck? He made you, shower me in gifts!

http://i534.photobucket.com/albums/ee348/Cholokid34/cultofcopy.jpg?t=1239328349

He speaks to me! He says... trood is a non-believer! Shun!!

thisisnotanalt
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thisisnotanalt
9,824 posts
Shepherd

That George is the incarnation of George as representing abnormal life. Trood was our first messiah; one of the primeval figureheads in the Cult of George. He has the authority of linking the elements of the Universe in out earthly plane.

knight_34
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knight_34
13,832 posts
Farmer

This thread has been dead for a while.

Do you need to be a Grandmaster to follow the Path of Orange?

Where does George reside, anyway?

Wolf36
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Wolf36
29 posts
Nomad

CULTS! FU CULTS!!!

thisisnotanalt
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thisisnotanalt
9,824 posts
Shepherd

LOL. If you follow the POTO, you won't become a grandmaster. You'll become a holy messiah. George chooses the messiahs himself.
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George has sent me a holy message by way of sporkommunicator! Each of the elements has a shadow side. The wind has shadow, water has wrath, and earth has cataclysm.

thisisnotanalt
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thisisnotanalt
9,824 posts
Shepherd

CULTS! FU CULTS!!!


You are now a target. You must search through the ancient texts to find the meaning of this title. *ushers you off*
pickleshack
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pickleshack
356 posts
Nomad

So, i don't know if this has been addressed but, are there any holy warriors for George. You know, noble souls who go around spreading the ability absorbing strength of the spork, and giving a forcible tongue lashing to those who descent.

Also, can followers of George share in his power?

thisisnotanalt
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thisisnotanalt
9,824 posts
Shepherd

So, i don't know if this has been addressed but, are there any holy warriors for George


George doesn't need holy warriors. If he can kill Chuck Norris by sneezing(he can), he can obliterate anything.
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Also, can followers of George share in his power?


Just by joining, George protects you.
pickleshack
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pickleshack
356 posts
Nomad

This is most assuring...by protection, do you mean that if i were to challenge zombies he would smite them? Also, can he raise zombies? What kind of powers does he have?

thisisnotanalt
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thisisnotanalt
9,824 posts
Shepherd

This is most assuring...by protection, do you mean that if i were to challenge zombies he would smite them? Also, can he raise zombies? What kind of powers does he have?


George would jump in if the zombies were about to kill you. And George can do anything.
fourtytwo
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fourtytwo
698 posts
Nomad

lol...alt, you are a genius (NOT)
Samuel W. Francis was the inventor of the spork...go look it up if you really want to know. Seriously...you need to do some research :P

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