Forums → Art, Music, and Writing → LadyTurtleToes' Creative Writing Exercises

Sorry I'm a little late.
The New Subject is....

Horror

Just look at Nicho's stories

Uh, I'll try...

Yeah, I Was gonna post mine, but I got self conscience right before I hit submit and backed out... (Wow... Tells you how bad my stories are... If even I don't wanna post it...)

Muhahahaha, this will be easy.

And LLT, will unused suggestions carry over for the next drawing? Cause I'm just gonna suggest the same thing...unused suggestions should gain an extra paper slip so they get a higher chance of being picked.

Ok, sorry, writer's block. I'll post something I wrote a long time ago. Heck, can I give multiple submissions? It was really hard to choose. And I'm sorry about not writing, but like I said, writers' block. I'll try to get something new in next time. =(

The young Confederate private bowed his head in sorrow as he followed his company through the body-strewn battle field on his Appaloosa. Private Franklin Brand had been drafted and trained less than a week before he saw his first battle, and the poor lad wasn't prepared for the bloodbath he saw. His company rode into their station just a few hours later. Brand had always been kind and friendly, to all. The intelligent young man had a bright future ahead of him. But after the battle, he became a downright recluse. His best friend was still on the battlefield, and wouldn't get up. He'd had enough of this. He wanted his revenge. And he would get it.

Brand became hellbent on revenge. He trained and worked harder than any other soldier. The time he wasn't training or working, he spent simply sitting on the porch, staring into the sunset with darkened eyes. And he became accustomed to pain and death. They were his friends now, the fuel for the fire that raged within Franklin Brand. And naught could stop him. He advanced quickly, first to sergeant, then lieutenant, and finally, as captain, he got his own regiment. He didn't care about them. He cared about results, killing Yankees. He became drunk with power. The once-handsome and friendly boy who had been taken from his home to the army became the dark, power-corrupted, half-insane recluse; Captain Franklin Brand. And yet, he seemed invincible.

Soon after that, Brand received orders from General Lee. Take your men to the east coast and trap the Yankees in a bottleneck. Destroy the force before it can reach the new battlefield. So he took his men, in the dead of winter, through snow blocked mountain passes to carry out these orders. Several of them had to have fingers and toes amputated due to frostbite, and the screams of operations rang throughout the camp always, echoing through the pass. Afterwards, they reached the position. They waited and waited for the Yanks to come. Brand became impatient. He had a taste for blood that needed to be satisfied. He ordered them to attack, go after the Union. They obeyed. The result was a total disaster. It had been an ambush. And the entire regiment he had been given was killed. The first to fall was a young but promising upstart who was just enlisted until he could go to college. His name was Thomas Baine, and he showed an interest in Latin. Next to go was Jonathan Hardy, a tough, brawny man in his thirties who had been drafted. Then the captain lost count. Brand felt no regret watching them all die, one by one, their blood spilling onto the trampled, pristine snow and turning it pink. Steam curled up from the sparkling pink crust of the earth as the hot blood met cold snow and the bodies, clad in both gray and blue uniforms, fell with a final CLUNK! to the ground. Brand hastily retreated, and escaped unscathed. To keep his rank and his power, Brand lied to the General. He knew that it was his impatience that had killed the soldiers, so he said that the Yanks had simply beaten them by pure force and that the survivors had been killed by a blizzard in the mountains. The General let him off. He remained a captain.
The next day, Franklin Brand had disappeared. Search parties were sent everywhere, combing nearby hills and bunkers, but could find no trace of Franklin Brand. Weeks later, Captain Franklin Brand was posted as AWOL(Absent WithOut Leave)and dishonorably discharged from the Confederate Army. After that, everyone assumed that the Indians had gotten him during the night, and the search was abandoned.
But almost a decade later, scientists were digging around old Civil War battlefields to discover new things. And they unearthed something very odd. They found an entire regiment buried in one place, and although regiments can all die in a battle, this was special. Because every single soldier was in pristine condition, as if they had died just moments ago. And on each and every one of their faces, even if they had died a horrible, gruesome death, was a smile, and open eyes. And buried in the center of the battlefield was Captain Franklin Brand's body, still as though he'd just been alive moments ago. And carved on his forehead, a jagged and infected cut with golden pus oozing out of it as though the corpse were still alive and as if the wound were dealt with long, cruel fingernails, was "crimen mos persolvo."

For those of you who did not pay attention during Latin class, crimen mos persolvo means something like the guilty will pay.

Ahhh I love the Civil War (I'm a self-proclaimed expert), and it looks like you have good interest in it too Moat.

I will point out that it would be highly unlikey for Brand to become an officer. A lot of great privates faught in the war, and they were lucky to become corporal (a very big honor). Most officers went through West Point and never were privates, but a good attempt none the less.

If you really are interested in the Civil War I would suggest picking up a copy of Company Aytch (H). It is a great read.

Here's around 2minutes of thinking of a plot, 20 or so minutes of writing, and around 12 or 13 Appletinis.

The Friend
01/13/1999, on a day like any other, no abnormalities, nothing special happening, it is just another boring day, for the three friends, Jacob Wallin, Buck Jeffery, and Gabriel Witwrite. As the three friends head home after a boring school day, Jacob heads off and gets out of Gabriel's car to go to his home, shortly after wards, Buck heads home after the next block, finally Gabriel heads home. He opens the door, to his normal family, and heads to his room to get changed.

01/14/1999. Gabriel headed to school, as he walked, he walked past Bucks house, which he came running out to greet Gabriel. As Buck and Gabriel head past Jacobs home, something was off, instead of Jacob running out of his house, nothing happened. The two boys shrugged it off has nothing, and kept on heading towards school, thinking that Jacob just left earlier then they did.

As the two boys headed towards school, a torn piece of clothing caught Gabriel's eye, Gabriel went over to the broken gate that it was attached to and noticed it was a piece of Jacobs shirt he had on the day before. Gabriel wondering how his shirt got ripped, looked around the area, as he walked around, he saw small splatters of blood on the ground. Gabriel followed the small spots of blood on the ground, while Buck yelled at him saying âDon't go man, just call the cops.â, Gabriel didn't listen, finally after following the blood for about a block, Gabriel saw a horrifying sight.

Gabriel, shocked at what he was looking at, saw the battered, and mangled body of his friend Jacob. Gabriel let loose a blood curdling scream, and ran back to Buck, Gabriel explained to Buck about what he had saw, Buck pulled out his cellphone, and called the police. The two boys stood there, waiting for the cops to arrive, Gabriel continued to look around the area, trying to hold back his upset stomach.

Finally after, what felt like an hour, 15minutes, the police, and the medics arrive. The medics run straight to where the boys pointed to the body, the police walked up to him and asked him routine questions. As Gabriel stood there, he thought to himself, âWhy did this have to happen? We live in a boring town, where nothing like this happens... This shouldn't of happened... especially to Jacob...â the cops told the boys to go home, and rest. The two boys headed home, as the policed called their parents and the school.

The two boys head to their homes, and talked about what happened to their parents. Their parents were upset that their children had to witness such a gruesome thing. The boys still shaken up by what happened, they went to their rooms, and thought about what they were gonna do.

01/15/1999. After a day, the boys were less shaken up, and went to school. As they arrived at school, their girlfriends, Kathrine Sanchez, and Maria Sanchez, asked what happened, Buck & Gabriel refused to talk to them. But for an odd reason, the girls knew what happened.

The boys thought, âI guess the police contacted them too...â so the boys shrugged off what happened, and continued on their normal school routine. As they went to class, after class, they felt more and more upset, their best friend, Jacob, was gone, and was never coming back. As all the other kids got ready to do PE, Gabriel, and Buck, skipped has they usually did, but this time, instead of going out to Jacobs car, they just went to the hill outside the school.

The boys remembered, all the happy times they've had with Jacob, all the times that they played ball, all the times they skipped school to go ogle women at the mall, all the times they got rejected by women, and ended up getting in trouble for peeping. They sat up on the hill till the end of school, their girlfriends walked up to the top of the hill, and comforted the boys. The girls sat up on the hill with Gabriel, and Buck.

04/30/1999. Gabriel and Buck get ready to head home after school, as they got into Gabriel's car. The two boys decide to stop by the place where Jacob died, and prayed for him. The boys stayed there for about 10 or 20 minutes, as they stood there, Gabriel was looking around the area, as Gabriel searched the area, he noticed something that caught his eyes.

Gabriel picked up a broken Key Chain piece, he looked at it, has if knowing whose it was. He recalled the day he had his first date with his girlfriend Kathrine, he remembered giving this key chain to her. He suddenly had a horrible thought, he called Buck over and said, âDo... Do you think... Kathrine did this?â Buck looked at him, wondering what he was thinking and said, âWhat gives you that idea?â, Gabriel shows Buck the key chain piece.

Buck then say's, âHa, there's probably a million of those...â Gabriel frowned and said, âno... I made this...â, Buck looked at Gabriel and said, âCome on man, why would Kathrine do this? It makes no sense man.â Gabriel agreed and said, âYeah your right...â then it dawned on Gabriel, âI know how to figure it out though...â Gabriel picks up his cellphone, and calls the police station, and asked if he could speak to the cop who came to the crime scene. The police man answered the phone and said âHello? This is Officer Bob Geabo, how may I help you?â Gabriel asked him and said, âHello, this is Gabriel, do you remember that crime scene, back in January? Did you call anyone else besides the School and our parents?â the officer thought for a second and said, ânope... I only called your parents, why?â Gabriel stood in shock and said, âI found the murder, come to the crimescene NOW!â the boy hung up the phone, and the police man rushed to the police cruiser. The boys stood there, and talked about what they have found out, the police cruiser came up to them and parked on the side of the road. The police man came up to Gabriel, and Gabriel held out his hand, and showed the police man the Key chain, at first he didn't understand, but then Gabriel explained everything, suddenly, the police man got back in his car, and called in backup, saying âWe have a criminal to catch!â suddenly the police the man motioned for Gabriel and Buck to come over, and he said, âYou two, will show me where she lives got it?!â both of the boys nod their heads, and get in the back of the cruiser.

As the car rushed past streets, they finally arrived at their girlfriends supposed home, but has they drove into the driveway, they looked at the house, and saw it was deserted. The police man got out of the car, and opened the back of the door for the kids, he walked up to the front door. As the policeman reached his hand out and turned the knob, the policeman started spazzing out, Buck looked at his hand, and noticed there was large amounts of electricity surging in it. The boys watched as the policeman was shocked to death.

The door then opened, reveling two girls. Both of them, Kathrine and Maria Sanchez, the boys looked at them and said, âYou were the ones that Killed Jacob?! WHY!â the girls laughed and said, âIts not the first time... We've been killing for... Oh around 12 or so years... right Maria?â Maria nodded and said, âYes Kathrine, it is so fun killing, it just brings such a... thrill.â both of the girls smile, and walk towards the boys, Maria then says, âDo you wanna join us? It would be fun to have boys with us.â Gabriel ignored her, and thought, âI loved this woman... and she betrayed me...â has Buck stood beside Gabriel, the women continued to come closer. Buck say's, â****ing insane broads, we would never~â suddenly Buck let loose a loud scream, as Maria rammed a steak knife through his lower abdomen.

Gabriel didn't even notice his friend in pain, he was too shocked about what he has found out. As he stood there, Kathrine came up to him and said, âIf you come with us... We will let you live...â has Kathrine spoke those final words, there was a loud bang from the door step. The policeman who was thought to have died, pulled out his gun, and fired a single round into Kathrines neck.

Maria looked at the policeman, and rushed him, the policeman went to shoot, but was stopped when Maria stabbed his gun with her knife. Maria pulled out her knife, and went to stab the police man, but was stopped from another loud bang, Gabriel looked to his right and saw the entire street was full of cops, and there was a helicopter behind them. Maria, shocked that she has been caught, decided that it would be better to die, then to go to prison.

Maria picked up her knife, and ended her life in a flash. Her body dropped to the floor, the blood gushed out and covered the side walk. Gabriel still shocked at what as happened, picked up Kathrine's dead body, and cried.

05/02/1999. Its been two days since the massacre, Buck is still alive, and is in the hospital getting treated. The policeman survived the shock, and is in the same hospital has Buck. Gabriel, was considered a local hero.

Gabriel, while happy that he found who the murderer was. Was still upset, that his first girlfriend, was a insane psychopath, who was known from Washington, to California, under different names. In each place that she lived, there was always over 10 or so deaths.

The last area they went to, was Tehachpi, CA, where they only managed to kill one person. The authority's searched their house, and found many weapons, including a Winchester rifle, and a combat shotgun. After all of this, his perfectly normal and boring life has been shattered.

THE END

Hm... Armourgames.com hates OpenOffice apparently.

will unused suggestions carry over for the next drawing? Cause I'm just gonna suggest the same thing...unused suggestions should gain an extra paper slip so they get a higher chance of being picked.

Yeah, I Was gonna post mine, but I got self conscience right before I hit submit and backed out... (Wow... Tells you how bad my stories are... If even I don't wanna post it...)

I posted it... But armorgames don't like Openoffice, so it looks horrible with all those �

@Moabarmorgamer:
That's a good story. I don't know much about the Civil War so I can't offer any suggestions there but I do have one thought. With this section:

Because every single soldier was in pristine condition, as if they had died just moments ago. And on each and every one of their faces, even if they had died a horrible, gruesome death, was a smile, and open eyes. And buried in the center of the battlefield was Captain Franklin Brand's body, still as though he'd just been alive moments ago.

Here's around 2minutes of thinking of a plot, 20 or so minutes of writing, and around 12 or 13 Appletinis.

Hm... Yeah... I did fail English class in school... (Kinda awkward to say because I am American lol) (another reason it probably made NO SENSE at all, is because of the ? marks screwing it up... Though they probably didn't hinder a horrible story haha...)

So the Plot is solid, but the execution of it is bad... So I need to practice my execution of the story. Thanks LTT.

More of a joke than me being serious. It loosely ties in with the subject.

The Horror Line

Waiting in line. One step. One step. One step. Pause. One step. One step. The cycle repeats itself over and over again but the line manages to stay the same length. Thereâs not much to do so I keep on looking at the same three things; an old fence, a bunch of stores and businesses, and a gated gutter embedded in the curb of the street. The old fence is in an alley across the street. The fence looks like it used to be painted some sort of sky blue color, but the paint has since faded and chipped away. Maybe some sort of mural was once painted on it, maybe my imagination is running wild from all this waiting. One step. Then there are the store and business fronts. I canât really make out what any of the stores are in the distance but Iâve been starring at the closest two by the alley all day. One is a fast food joint with the distinct smell of greasy fries radiating from its insides. The other place is an oil change station. Why these two businesses are right next to each other makes no sense to me, maybe people enjoy eating while they get their oil changed. One step.
I must be going out of my mind. Ive been staring at the same three things for hours but the line hasnât moved up at all. One step. Oh well, itll all be worth it because this concert coming up in a few months is going to be spectacular. Three of my favorite bands are playing and my two best friends both said they could make it of work to come. Id probably go insane waiting in this line if I didnt know it was for such a great concert. One step.
Im finally getting closer to the ticket booth, the line looks like itâs only a half an hour wait from here. It is strange how subtle changes over long periods of time arenât obvious. This line started out long and just stayed long hours and hours on end and then all of a sudden Iâm near the front. One step.
I would have to guess a fifteen minute wait from here. It feels good to be in front. Theres this sense of accomplishment just floating in the air. Whoa! The pace of the line just changed. One step. Two steps. Iâm practically walking now. This cannot be good. The line was slow all day and then it just gets fast like this? Donât fret. Iâll make it. The tickets will be mine and the concert will be so fun and⦠Sold Out... The horror.

Ahhh I love the Civil War (I'm a self-proclaimed expert), and it looks like you have good interest in it too Moat.

I will point out that it would be highly unlikey for Brand to become an officer. A lot of great privates faught in the war, and they were lucky to become corporal (a very big honor). Most officers went through West Point and never were privates, but a good attempt none the less.

You might not want to use the phrase 'moments ago' twice, the whole set up is really great and once you get to this point the chill is really starting to set in but seeing a discriptive phrase twice kind of kills the flow. In this case I would suggest something like 'seconds before'. Otherwise I totally loved it! =D

Here we a goes!!!!!!!!


John slammed the door behind him, and now he was in the dark of a janitor's supply closet. Whatever he saw in that hallway wasn't human. John knew this wasn't a great place to be in, but he had to hide somewhere. A shuffling noise outside the door reaffirmed that he wasn't alone. Then there was silence, John could only hear his heavy breathing and the loud 'lub dubs' of his heart. Wood met nail, the thing was starting to claw at the closet and John tried to search in the darkness for something to hold back whatever was outside that door. The scratching stopped, silence fell over the hallway again. John sat that for probably an hour in the dark musky space of a janitor's closet. John was starting to become drowsy but suddenly snapped back into awareness when the door knob started to shack and then a knock. Did that thing really think John would open the door if it knocked?
But then a voice, "John...John are you in there."
It spoke again, " It is me Kendra John, you really need to come out."
John knew the voice seemed familiar, his very friendly neighbor. He slowly unlocked the door. Kendra opened it.
"What are you doing John?"
The light blinded him as he spoke, "Th-there was so-something chasing me, something in the hallway."
"Really now?", Kendra siad as she helped John out of the closet, "lets go talk about it back at my place."
"Alright, phew am I glad to get out of that closet, the janitor clean ever - wait, how did you know I was in the closet?"
John didn't even bother turning around, he already knew. The hallway grew dark.
"You humans are so easy."