Forums → The Tavern → General Relationship Thread
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I've noticed the increase in threads being made about problems with relationships and dating. Now, I have no problem with the subject matter. No, my problem is with the amount of threads people are creating about it.
Judging by all these threads being made about the same thing, it's safe to say it's inevitable for these questions to be asked; and since the answers to these relationship/dating questions are generally very similar, putting all the questions in one thread saves time and posting.
No, this is not a thread where you specifically ask me for advice; I don't know very much about this subject. I'm simply the guy who has created the thread so you can post your questions for anybody to answer.
So if you have a question about dating or relationships, or anything along those lines, ask it here, wait for someone to reply here, and don't make a new thread about it!
- 2,106 Replies
Everyone I knew left me. All my friends and past. Nobody acknowledges me. I am not welcomed in my old town. In this town, I have nobody once again. I made no new friends.
Haven't we all been in that hell of a place.
Just shrug it off, be more outgoing.
That's what I wish I did in a situation like yours.
.So do you remember that girl Ace liked?
Well long story short, she hasn't talked to me since approximately when I told you. She blocked me from her phone and email.
Ace feels horrible.
I still don't know what to do.
When I lost her, I lost everyone basically.
Everyone I knew left me. All my friends and past. Nobody acknowledges me. I am not welcomed in my old town. In this town, I have nobody once again. I made no new friends.
Note: My definition of friend might be different than yours.
What you might call a friend, is what I call an acquaintance.
What you might call a best friend, is what I call a friend.
its ok ace! you have us :'
.So do you remember that girl Ace liked?
Well long story short, she hasn't talked to me since approximately when I told you. She blocked me from her phone and email.
Ace feels horrible.
I still don't know what to do.
When I lost her, I lost everyone basically.
Everyone I knew left me. All my friends and past. Nobody acknowledges me. I am not welcomed in my old town. In this town, I have nobody once again. I made no new friends.
Note: My definition of friend might be different than yours.
What you might call a friend, is what I call an acquaintance.
What you might call a best friend, is what I call a friend.
drinking bleach, sleeping with a old friend's girlfriend and then making a youtube video complaing should do the job. Then about a week after you kill yourself. That should fix all of your problems...-----____---
Sucks that your life sucks. Cannot help you there though.
Thanks.
Nobody could, I think.
Thank you. -_-
Haven't we all been in that hell of a place.
Just shrug it off, be more outgoing.
That's what I wish I did in a situation like yours.
We should start at the beginning, how do you talk to people?
its ok ace! you have us :'
drinking bleach, sleeping with a old friend's girlfriend and then making a youtube video complaing should do the job. Then about a week after you kill yourself. That should fix all of your problems...-----____---
I hope it does.
Ace, just drink some vodka and forget everything.
I don't drink. :P
Seriously though, I have a very serious update on the fact that I seriously could be perhaps wrong, yes I am serious.
Anyways, the girl texted me!
Gasp!
Way to go Ace!
Let's forget the fact that I texted her worthless things and stuff like that and spammed her until she messaged me back like one month about later.
Anyways, back to the story. She texted me to my iPod and phone, I don't have my iPod, but nevertheless, I can get access to the messages. She texted me asking if I knew this kid and that I probably hate her and what-not. She also mentioned, I hope your life is good and family...blegh...I bet she truly doesn't care. -__-
But she's changed so much....strangely, I feel as if she got older since she now curses.
I asked her how her Halloween was on Halloween...no reply. Meh.
I hate when people do this. They give me that one glimmer of hope then crush it as soon as I reach for it. But she seriously had no reason to hate me. She was very fine with me supposedly hating her, but I dunno. Maybe she died and something? Nah, joking. She's still alive, but probably ignoring me.
So AG, do I continue the conversation, like resend the message, or something?
I really don't care about that question above since I plan on ignoring the fact that she did not message me. Also, being social is not a talent one might pick up rapidly when he/she has been anti-social for a while. I mean I can talk in front of people, but it's when I am supposed to be alone with someone. Like perhaps a girl. Even if I have no feelings for her whatsoever, I consider myself lower than her and don't like to talk to much which is pretty sad.
The school counselor thinks I am some loner which is pretty fine with me, but at the end of the day today, I noticed this kid I beat academically (We did this buzzer question thing and I was up against him) talking to a girl. I instantly felt lower than him. I thought perhaps he was the true winner.
I just think I am not getting accepted into the social order of this high school. Perhaps discriminated due to my race, but I personally can't stand it. It's annoying.
No I am not planning to go suicidal either.
I didn't review this paragraph since I didn't feel like looking at my shameful writing and what-not, but if you want something paraphrased just let me know.
Ace it's simple, you need to talk more. I talk a lot now a days, and my problem isn't talking to a girl alone, it's getting her alone. We can go on to my problems a little later in this post. Glad to see most of us are still alive.
Alright, I see a lot of sarcastic humor going on here. I feel like I am responsible for starting that. I feel like I must end it. I welcome humor, but if you are going to do that please post something you think might help. These are people's lives, they aren't jokes. If you make your jokes, like I said, post a small serious section too.
So ace. Ace. Ace, ace, ace. What are we going to do with you?
You need help with your social skills. For me to help you, I'm going to need as much information on your social standing in school as you are willing to give out. Then, I can really help you. Don't worry ace. We will help you.
So while we wait on him, I'll fill you in.
After much flipping and flopping between people, I finally found one I truly like. I have the feeling she likes me too. No way to tell as of now. The thing is, we know each other but haven't really had a one on one conversation. We talked a few times last week and things went well but we are only acquaintances. Just parts of a group. Our conversations were group conversations that we had a brief one on one chat in. Now if I knew her better, I wouldn't hesitate to talk to her alone. But I don't know her better. I feel like if I can become a better friend, I can escape the friend zone eventually. But the way it is now sucks.
tl;dr
I like a girl, but I haven't built up the courage to talk to her alone. Help por favor.
But she's changed so much....strangely, I feel as if she got older since she now curses.
Do you believe that this change is a sign of hope for the future, or is this a bad omen? Maturity can swing either way depending on the state of the other party.
That was a serious comment, but it's election day and my mind isn't really anywhere else. Which is quite an improvement over most days, considering it usually isn't anywhere at all.
But she seriously had no reason to hate me.
Girls will be girls, with the exception of Chaz Bono. You'll only confuse yourself more if you try to understand their reasoning. Just remember that it probably isn't your fault that she hates you if it's true that she does and you really didn't do anything to prompt this behavior.
You'll need help from a girl on this one, though. They tend to understand each other pretty well.
I just think I am not getting accepted into the social order of this high school.
If you've been antisocial for a while, you can't expect the social order to just sweep you up and make you homecoming king out of nowhere; you have to work for it by going out of your comfort zone and talk to people you wouldn't normally talk to. It's called the social order for a reason. Recovering from antisocial behavior can be tough, but if you're motivated enough you should be able to at least make a few friends in the process if you really want to.
I'll tell you right now, though, high school social orders are complete BS. The people at the top get there by portraying themselves as people that they really aren't, not by being themselves and letting their true colors shine all over the place. You're probably too real a person and that's why the fakers aren't very accepting of you.
Not on my computer so I do apologize for not quoting exact things and for autocorrect's mistakes.
@Pickpocket
My social standing in this school is basically that one kid in the background. The rooster in the chicken coop.
Are you lacking confidence or are you asking how to get her alone?
If you need to get to talk to her alone, bump into her in the hall and start a conversation. Talk to her until you reach her class and flash a smile and say "See ya" while doing a hair-flip. I hear girls find that attractive.
If you are lacking confidence persuade yourself that she will eventually move on with or without you.
@Ernie
It is definitely a strange sign of maturity that seems to come off bad. It is as if she has grown older and forgotten me. (It is obvious that she has done that).
Thanks and I know. I probably am overthinking this, along with everything else people have said to me.
So we are back at step one again now?
It's super weird. There are these people that are outgoing and social. They don't acknowledge me, but when we do something academically they acknowledge me.
Maybe everybody thinks I have friends at my old town that I need anymore here.
Goodnight everyone and happy Election Day!
Ace - I shall help you break out of your shell as well...I used to be in a similar situation...but now a majority of my grade-mates know who I am (in a good way...fyi) because I'm talkative, friendly, funny, blah blah blah.
First order of business....don't worry about what people think about you. Yes..take it into consideration so you don't act a fool...but don't do things just because you think others would like it...just be yourself. But be confident in yourself..."I am Ace and I am effing awesome...if others don't think that...then who cares bout em?!" - keep that thought flowing in your Ace mind
pickpocket - I'm going to be blunt about it....just do it. Do you have her number? If so...start texting her more...ask how her day was/is...what is going on with her...ask stuff about her. Also...if she ever seems angry or upset with something (like school, parents, etc)...let her know that you are a person she can confide in or vent to. Let her know you are a trustworthy person....and actually pay attention to what she says. If you don't have her number...then get it..then do what I just said
------
pang update!
So the girl I have been talking to where everything has been going awesome? Well guess what....parents (or..at least her mom) now loves me and approves of me (hell...she even said herself we look cute together!). Going to make things official this saturday...plan on doing it in a very adorable/cutsie-romantic way haha
Oh...and guess who joined AG!
Hint: is the girl =p
I hate when people do this.
Eh, people do it all the time. It is not just you. What bugs me most is when you ask them a question and they don't respond. Don't take it personally though, even though that is hard not to do(at least for me).
Honestly Ace, if you want to be more social with people then you have to start by using AG less. I don't know how much you use it but if you use it less then you will probably be more social overall.
Do you have any friends at the new school?
First order of business....don't worry about what people think about you.
One does not simple stop worrying about what people think of you. You should a little bit but there will always be people that don't like you, unless your me, everyone loves me.
Oh...and guess who joined AG!
Hint: is the girl =p
I am waiting for her to see this thread and be all, da**** dude! Why?
Honestly Ace, if you want to be more social with people then you have to start by using AG less. I don't know how much you use it but if you use it less then you will probably be more social overall.
I say that doesn't matter. If anything, more might help. If you can act like this on the Internet, then you are perfectly capable of acting like this irl. You are just afraid. You just need to break your shell and talk.
And since you are the "loner", the first step is find a group. Merge with some guys. It doesn't have to be the popular group, but just a group. Preferably not the "geeky nerds". You getting good friends is the second step.
Then you will be more confidant and be able to talk with girls easier.
---
pickpocket - I'm going to be blunt about it....just do it. Do you have her number? If so...start texting her more...ask how her day was/is...what is going on with her...ask stuff about her. Also...if she ever seems angry or upset with something (like school, parents, etc)...let her know that you are a person she can confide in or vent to. Let her know you are a trustworthy person....and actually pay attention to what she says. If you don't have her number...then get it..then do what I just said
Trust me, if I had her number I wouldn't need your help right now. I'm in that awkward "middle stage" if you will. Like, we have talked a few times in the past but only a little bit of a real conversation. By that I mean we called one of my (and hers) friends a d*** and have only talked about school stuff for the most part. And that really hasn't been that much.
Anywho, she wasn't in today. Nothing I could do about that.
Oh...and guess who joined AG!
Evidently, someone who doesn't know when not to use apostrophes.
'Sup guys, just stopping by to spill some head contents since, well, there isn't really any of my friends whom I'd single out to talk about such with (it's just weird to bring up), and anyone who steps into this thread already knows what the general topic is. And thoughts need airing.
Right.
So there's this person. We met online - in an mmo, specifically - about a year ago. Had joined the same guild around the same time. (Note that the majority of my social life happens online and I like it that way. I do have local friends and acquaintances too, I just spend less time on them.)
Anyway.
Slowly a friendship grew and we extended our ability to stay in touch. More communicating, closer bond. The trust grew enough that I ended up being the first person she came out to. After a bit over half a year, with a confession that she "is not actually, at present, female".
Now, me being me, I was largely unfazed by this. Even now that we've had skype calls going a few times, that male voice she's striving to change doesn't actually shake my perception of her as a, well, her. It doesn't exactly make anything simpler, though.
After said coming out our communication frequency spiked, partially because there was now this huge thing in her life that she didn't have to hide. Not that it became all we talked about. There's been plenty of random chittering, plenty of fun and plenty of friendly debate on serious topics too. And with the frequent communication came more relying on each other. It's been working out well as a very solid friendship and it's a wonderful thing to have, really.
Then a few months ago (late August/early September) I kinda had to realise I'd developed a crush on her. There was some denial. Then some "but we'd be an awful match anyway" from me in a feeble attempt to shun the feelings before they took hold. She kind of countered that, though, so it really didn't take long at all for me to just accept it.
So that's nice. There's a lot of closeness and trustbetween us. Sadly there's also an atlantic ocean and a solid stretch of land.
The distance is a glaring issue.
Another issue is that she's largely asexual, so while there's mutual affection aplenty and I'd never question that she means it when she says she loves me, she isn't really capable of the "falling" part of falling in love. That might sound weird. This whole thing might. It is kind of awkward.
Blah.
It's a complex situation and I needed to air it, particularly after a conversation we had about it the other day. I haven't really been able to get my thoughts straight - if anyone who noticed I've been back wondered why I went off the AG radar again for a few days, this is most of the reason.
This will be awkward, but eh.
Correct me if I am wrong, but
Another issue is that she's largely asexual, so while there's mutual affection aplenty and I'd never question that she means it when she says she loves me, she isn't really capable of the "falling" part of falling in love.
asexuality does not make someone incapable of falling in love. It means they have no sexual desire of any kind, which does make relationships rather tricky, but they are fully capable of falling in love, being in love and having a romantic relationship with someone.
The falling in love and being in love part is covered by the -romantic label, as far as I am concerned. Like being bi-romantic meaning you could form a relationship and love with both genders, while being hetero-sexual just means you will only be sexually attracted to one part of those you fall in love with.
So, the asexuality should not be a problem any more than the regular, run of the mill of "does she love me, does she care for me for real?" insecurities.
Oh right, separate word for that. Pretend I remembered that earlier and used it.
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