Forums → The Tavern → Chuck Norris Facts

Chuck Norris went to the Virgin Islands, after that, they were just known as the islands.

Chuck Norris is so fast you have to travel at the speed of light to see him walk. His running speed is so fast it's called the speed of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't feel pain. He round-housed pain and now pain feels Chuck Norris.

If you've lived a good life, when you die you go to Chuck Norris's gym. If you've been bad, you become one of his practice dummies.

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

When you look Chuck Norris in the eyes,you see Weegee crying to be released.

Once you see Chuck Norris,for the rest of your life,you will PRAY TO GOD BY ROUNDHOUSING the altar.

Once Chuck Norris got cancer,he spat it out and complained it tasted bad.

Having sex with Chuck Norris cures AIDS.

Chuck Norris owns all the No. 1 Pencils

When life gives Chuck Norris lemons, he make orange juice

Jesus follows Chuck Norris on Twitter

Chuck Norris can squeeze blood out of a rock

On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects on lucky child to be thrown into the sun

Chuck Norris once hit the lottery, it was pronounced dead at the scene

When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he isn't pushing himself up, he's pushing the world down.

Chuck Norris died. Chuck Norris went to hell. Chuck Norris fist-stomped the devil. Chuck Norris went to heaven. Chuck Norris used God's throne as a footstool. Chuck Norris went to hell. Chuck Norris got a date with Death's girlfriend. Chuck Norris killed death. Chuck Norris went to heaven. Chuck Norris kicked Gabriel in the johnnies. Chuck Norris went to the center of the sun, and asked for a sweater. He was given a straight-jacket. He complained it was too loose. At this point, God was so fed up with Chuck, he just sent him back to earth to live out a few thousand years.


Chuck Norris posseses demons.
Chuck Norris once at a hotdog, twice ate a rock, and thrice ate my keyboard.
Chuck Norris is blind, but can sense fear. You can't hide from Chuck Norris.
The U.S.A.F. once recruited Chuck to pilot a Apache, but got sued by the U.N. for war crimes.
Chuck Norris isn't all-powerful; he can't die.

Chuck Norris caused the Immaculate Conception.

When Chuck Norris's friend Lance Armstrong got testicular cancer, Chuck Norris gave him one of his own. Whether Chuck Norris had 3 testicles or simply spontaneously grew another one remains unknown.

Chuck Norris pities Mr. T.

Chuck Norris wouldn't have needed the force to destroy the original Death Star, he just would have round-house kicked it.

On his birthday Chuck Norris doesn't blow out his candles. He simply stares at them and they blow themselves out out of fear of pissing him off.

Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a CTRL key. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter; Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

When Chuck Norris jumps in a pool, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norrised.

Chuck Norris built the log cabin he was born in.

Chuck Norris found Osama Bi Ladin, he just let Obama take credit for it.

Chuck Norris destroyed the Periodic Table of the Elements because the only element he recognizes is the element of surprise.

Only two things will survive a nuclear apocalypse.
cockroachs and Chuck Norris.
The cockroaches, however, won't survive Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't wait till its dark to go to sleep,the solar system is too afraid of him not do get dark when he does.

When Chuck Norris got beaten,he still won.

If you see death himself,the chance of dying is smaller than if you see Chuck Morris.

Chuck Norris can fold a piece of paper 10 times.

When Chuck Norris "kicks your *** back to the stone age"... he makes The Big Bang

Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.

Chuck Norris is extremely overrated. But I just decided to post one "fact" here, to entertain you.