Forums → The Tavern → Kids cutting themselves...
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Hello there. I do not want to say the ages of these kids or the names... So please bear with me as I tell you what has been happening in my school/life.
In my school I now know that a bunch of girls cut themselves because they feel sad. These where some of the responses I got back from asking them why did they do it.
well... the pain on the inside is to bad so i cut my slef to make me feel better
I know that others do it so that way i do it too.
well my boyfriend makes me sad so that is why I do it.
i do it because i am addicted to it
When they responded with those replies I felt a little sick to my stomach and my mind was hurting. I said that cutting themselves is no awenser to any problem. They then said that it was because it took the emotional pain away by hurting themselves. I said that is just pain x2...
So community, can you please give me any advice on how to help people stop or how to explain to them that it is not the best way to cope with pain. Also my mind hurts when i think that it makes them feel better so do you have any suggestions to help that too? Any help is good for me. And also. Please be serious.
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Get someone else to help them, really. Preferably a therapist or a psychologist or anyone else with these types of skills and education.
You can't do much yourself, because even if you tell them it makes you sad that they are hurting themselves, it will make them more likely to continue, because you being sad will make them sad and so on.
Be a support. Don't try to reason with them (physical pain is an excellent way to cope with emotional pain, due to it being physical. It's just not the right way, but it works, and this is why they do it). More so, don't try to reason with them if you have not been through it yourself. It's like telling someone who smokes 20 cigarettes a day to stop smoking right there and then, because smoking is unhealthy. In most, if not all, cases, it just won't work, and a nonsmoker would be unable to relate to the addiction and need for the stimulant and so on.
So, tell them to go see someone who can actually help. Be a support. Listen to them, as venting their problems and knowing someone is there when they need it might ease the emotional pain. Stop trying to use cold logic and reason as ways to make them stop. After all, this is emotional pain. Emotions are not reasonable.
And know that, if you are close to them, if you decide to be the support and such, it will be hard on you too. Not just "Well, I don't have anyone who will listen to my problems"-hard, but really emotionally hard to the point where you might sink down with them. Hence the professional help advice.
They then said that it was because it took the emotional pain away by hurting themselves.
This is probably the simplest and the best explanation for the common motive for cutting (also it comes from the horses' mouth, so to speak.) Another way of putting it is that it physicalises an emotional pain, or else gives a physical sensation to what is often described as an "emotional emptiness". From this, the act of cutting actually brings a kind of release or relief. That in a nutshell explains most of the quotes listed in the OP.
Cutting isn't an answer to any problem, it is a coping mechanism i.e. something that you do in order to deal with stresses in your life, (though it may seem counter-intuitive to cope in this manner). In more detail, it's something that one does when they don't feel they are able to deal with a problem directly.
Okay now I've explained what it is, the first thing to know is that it's actually quite common. Note that I say common to mean that many people do it, not to say that this is the way things are supposed to be or anything like that. But it's important to realise that the feelings that motivate cutting are therefore also common. That other people experience it, and it's okay to talk about feelings and express oneself in other ways. In a word, it's important to normalise certain aspects of the experience, which may prove reassuring. I don't think it would be productive to talk with a view to stopping a person from cutting, but better to explore their feelings, full stop. If you're not confident or comfortable with that, then that's what professionals are for.
They should really see a therapist. It's not for crazy people but just people who need help.
I was reading these comments over the phone to my girlfriend and she was pretty much saying that she is not going to stop and no one will. Mods.. Thank you.
Wait, did they cut themselves in school? If they did they should have been suspended, and yes they do need a therapist.
Well it's there choice. If they want to bleed to death let them.
I was reading these comments over the phone to my girlfriend and she was pretty much saying that she is not going to stop and no one will
It's not much of a surprise. As already pointed out, it is a quite effective way of coping, and sometimes that is better than getting better yourself, when it starts getting somewhat addicting.
It is a matter of control, too, like eating disorders are. But, while eating disorders are a way of at least control your body, cutting is used to control your emotions. It makes them real. In some way, a cutter would be able to show you the cut and tell you "Look how much it hurts", because there is no other way they can communicate the pain inside.
I find that at other times, it is a way to punish yourself as well. Either for thinking what you do, feeling those feelings, or because you acted a certain way. Self control, again. Rage and slashing out, but introverted and pointed against yourself.
Anyone who have ever felt the urge to, or actually punched someone in the face would have to imagine that rage and that urge, but pointed inwards at your own ego and self esteem and being...
Perhaps you should let her know that it makes you uncomfortable. Not telling her to stop (she said she wouldn't, after all), but you would like to be simply unaware that it is going on, because you love her, and seeing her hurt herself hurts you.
It does create a feeling of everything being a little better, and you might be able to relax a little more around her, if she hides the wounds, and doesn't speak of it...
This thread gives me an uncomfortable sinking feeling in my stomach. Probably because I've cut myself quite a lot in the past. Hm.
What Cen said, and what Strop said. I don't really know what to add, but I suppose I can tell you that it is in no way easy to stop. Once past the point where it becomes a way to cope, it's oh so very easy to keep using that way.
It doesn't really help, no. But it does anyway. The human mind can contain so much pain, and exchanging some of it for physical suffering can make it more tolerable. For some reason.
Also, it can be a cry for help, but it's probably best passed on to professionals or at least adults. :x
Perhaps you should let her know that it makes you uncomfortable. Not telling her to stop (she said she wouldn't, after all), but you would like to be simply unaware that it is going on, because you love her, and seeing her hurt herself hurts you.If this, do try to make sure they have someone else to talk to about things. Bottling it all up and dealing with it alone can be rather tough.
It does create a feeling of everything being a little better, and you might be able to relax a little more around her, if she hides the wounds, and doesn't speak of it...
If this, do try to make sure they have someone else to talk to about things. Bottling it all up and dealing with it alone can be rather tough.
So is bottling up all the uncomfortable sadness of seeing someone hurt themselves and still be unable to do anything. After all, the one you really want to share your sadness, your discomfort and your worries with, the one you really want to have listening, is the one you have to support and keep up and smile, laugh and be there for.
If this, do try to make sure they have someone else to talk to about things. Bottling it all up and dealing with it alone can be rather tough.
Yeah, usually having other people to help out helps someone. Knowing that there are people who care about them also helps. Pets help too. They comfort people (as long as that person likes animals and is not allergic to them).
So is bottling up all the uncomfortable sadness of seeing someone hurt themselves and still be unable to do anything. After all, the one you really want to share your sadness, your discomfort and your worries with, the one you really want to have listening, is the one you have to support and keep up and smile, laugh and be there for.It's a balance issue and this is starting to sound a bit personal, Cenny. Depends on the people involved, how close they are and how they interact (which the OP doesn't make too clear).
I suppose a point worth making could be "don't try to help if it'll end up hurting you more than you help them".
Yeah, usually having other people to help out helps someone. Knowing that there are people who care about them also helps. Pets help too. They comfort people (as long as that person likes animals and is not allergic to them).Quoted for truth. 'Usually' is a bit of a keyword, though.
Depends on the people involved, how close they are and how they interact (which the OP doesn't make too clear).
Second post by OP stated a girlfriend, so I assume at least a bit of it is related to that.
But perhaps you are right, and I should leave this to others from now on.
I did possibly not catch that the post you mention was by the OP. My bad. And, erm. Yeah, tricky situation.
It is just that when I think about all of this... It makes my mind hurt and my heart hurt. By the way for anyone unclear like Zophia was "just messing with you Zophy ;P" Yes. Loved ones do it. As stated before. But really what I am feeling effects me in school and in life as general. I feel like I need to help everyone with everything... But it is not going to work. I feel helpless, weak. I have friends that go to see people because of it but they cut themselves worse everytime. And when my girlfriend does... I cry. I have cried more then I have in my whole life this week because of all of the **** that is going on. Some girls ex beat her up and broke her legs because he was mad... Some girl tried to kill herself because she was addicting to cutting herself and my girlfriend... She has this depression that does not even need to be a depression... She says that she ruins our relationship and is hurting me all of the time.. But she is telling me that she won't stop anyway. I know I am going to be judged if I tell you my age. And so god if I am I won't put up with the bull... I am 12. And to be going through this is one of the worst times in my life. We are ****ing kids. We are sauposed to be living are lives the best we can. But instead. We are ****ing bulling eachother and mocking. We are judging are hurting. i feel uneasy now.
This is only some of how I feel. And thank you for the few of you that are helping. I wish there where more people that give me respect like you do.
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