Forums → The Tavern → Lame Jokes/puns

The gold squire of lame jokes and puns at your service.
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Where do cows go on dates? Too the moo-vies

What's it called when a spaceman does karate? Martian arts

How was the roman empire cut in half? With a pair of Caesars!

Where are the kings and queens of England crowned? On the head

Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbor? Because she can't sit down!

How do you know if there is any bread in the house? Do a roll call

How do you make a hot dog stand? Steal its chair

How do you make a fire with two sticks? Make sure one of the sticks is a match

What boy likes to hang out by the front door? Matt

What is one thing you can always count on? Your fingers

What can you hold without ever touching it? A conversation

How do chess players tell fairy tales? "Once a-pawn a time"

What is the best way to avoid hitting your fingers with a hammer? Swing the hammer with both hands

What is the best way to eliminate wrinkles? With an iron

What is most useful when it's broken? An egg

What are two things you can't have for breakfast? Lunch and dinner

What goes up and down but doesn't move? A staircase

What goes around the yard and never moves? A fence

Where did General Washington keep his armies?
Up his sleevies.

Ok i gotten this off of WoW

So a Tauren walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. So the bartender asks "hey where did you get him?" and the parrot says "oh they are all over durator you can get there!"

You can make it racist by saying the parrot was on an african american and then saying they are all over africa but i thought that was inappropriate.

What's black, white, and red all over? A zebra with a rash.

What did ET meant when he said his last line?

He wanted to be a priest in his home planet.

What do you call en elephant with no head?
Dead

its lame, but its so stupid its funny:
Two penguins were walking across an iceberg. One penguine says to the other, "dude, it looks like you are wearing a tuxedo". then the other penguine says, "well maybe I am..."

I heard a lame joke
It was pretty punny
ahahaha(falling down)

their are to dragons. one dragon says "how was your day?", the other "Fine, yours?" and the random person next to them, "holly **** to talking dragons!"

P1: say I and then spell cup
P2: Okay, I-C-U-P
P1: ha ha ha ha

another one is

P1: spell pig backwards and say funny colors
P2: Okay, G-I-P funny colors
P1: ha ha ha ha

man, P1 is really gullible

I would tell you a joke but I always forget the punch line. XD
If you ask Siri to tell you a joke he might say that but he got it from me.

This one is for all you Trekkies out there.

"Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes'

This one is for all you Trekkies out there.

"Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes'

Here is a food one:
Person 1: Why did the tomato blush?
Person 2: I dunno, why?
Person 1: Because he saw the salad dressing!

Super lame joke

dude1 : knock knock
dude2 : occupied!(restroom occupied)
dude1 : whuuuut???