Forums → WEPR → Gay Parents and Their Children
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This topic was spurred from the Gay Marriage topic.
Introduction
Gay couples all over the world adopt or have children of their own. This topic is going to initiate debate on some of the presented issues with gay parenting and the implications it might or might not have on the children. Please leave all the comments out like: "It's wrong because God say so."
The issues I am going to list below are a mix of irrational and rational concerns. Please remember that.
Issues
1. The children of gay parents will end up being gay.
2. The children will experience heavy turmoil in school.
3. Lesbians do not have enough "maternal" instincts to be a mother.
4. Gay couples do not have all the "right" tools to be parents.
Please discuss some of these issues (though some are so stupid it is funny).
Info I will contribute
Below is some info I have snagged from a few reputable sites.
Beliefs that lesbian and gay adults are not fit parents likewise have no empirical foundation (Anderssen, Amlie, & Ytteroy, 2002; Brewaeys & van Hall, 1997; Parks, 1998; Patterson, 2000; Patterson & Chan, 1996; Perrin, 2002; Stacey & Biblarz, 2001; Tasker, 1999; Victor & Fish, 1995). Lesbian and heterosexual women have not been found to differ markedly either in their overall mental health or in their approaches to child rearing (Bos et al., 2004; Kweskin & Cook, 1982; Lyons, 1983; Miller, Jacobsen, & Bigner, 1981; Mucklow & Phelan, 1979; Pagelow, 1980; Parks, 1998; Patterson, 2001; Rand, Graham, & Rawlings, 1982; Siegenthaler & Bigner, 2000; Thompson, McCandless, & Strickland, 1971). Similarly, lesbians' romantic and sexual relationships with other women have not been found to detract from their ability to care for their children (Bos et al., 2004; Chan et al., 1998b; Pagelow, 1980). Lesbian couples who are parenting together have most often been found to divide household and family labor relatively evenly and to report satisfaction with their couple relationships (Bos et al., 2004; Brewaeys et al., 1997; Chan, et al., 1998a; Ciano-Boyce & Shelley-Sireci, 2002; Hand, 1991; Johnson & O'Connor, 2002; Koepke, Hare, & Moran, 1992; Osterweil, 1991; Patterson, 1995a; Sullivan, 1996; Tasker & Golombok, 1998; Vanfraussen, Ponjaert-Kristoffersen, & Brewaeys, 2003). Research on gay fathers likewise suggests that they are likely to divide the work involved in child care relatively evenly and that they are happy with their couple relationships (Johnson & O'Connor, 2002; McPherson, 1993).
The results of some studies suggest that lesbian mothers' and gay fathers' parenting skills may be superior to those of matched heterosexual couples. For instance, Flaks, Fischer, Masterpasqua, and Joseph (1995) reported that lesbian couples' parenting awareness skills were stronger than those of heterosexual couples. This was attributed to greater parenting awareness among lesbian nonbiological mothers than among heterosexual fathers. In one study, Brewaeys and her colleagues (1997) likewise reported more favorable patterns of parent-child interaction among lesbian as compared to heterosexual parents, but in another, they found greater similarities (Vanfraussen, Ponjaert-Kristoffersen, & Brewaeys, 2003). A recent study of 256 lesbian and gay parent families found that, in contrast to patterns characterizing the majority of American parents, very few lesbian and gay parents reported any use of physical punishment (such as spanking) as a disciplinary technique; instead, they were likely to report use of positive techniques such as reasoning (Johnson & O'Connor, 2002). Certainly, research has found no reasons to believe lesbian mothers or gay fathers to be unfit parents (Armesto, 2002; Barret & Robinson, 1990; Bigner & Bozett, 1990; Bigner & Jacobsen, 1989a, 1989b; Bos et al., 2003, 2004; Bozett, 1980, 1989; Patterson, 1997; Patterson & Chan, 1996; Sbordone, 1993; Tasker & Golombok, 1997; Victor & Fish, 1995; Weston, 1991). On the contrary, results of research suggest that lesbian and gay parents are as likely as heterosexual parents to provide supportive home environments for children.
The bulk of evidence to date indicates that children raised by gay and lesbian parents are no more likely to become homosexual than children raised by heterosexuals. As one researcher put it, "If heterosexual parenting is insufficient to ensure that children will also be heterosexual, then there is no reason to conclude that children of homosexuals also will be gay".
Studies asking the children of gay fathers to express their sexual orientation showed the majority of children to be heterosexual, with the proportion of gay offspring similar to that of a random sample of the population. An assessment of more than 300 children born to gay or lesbian parents in 12 different samples shows no evidence of "significant disturbances of any kind in the development of sexual identity among these individuals."
Courts have expressed concern that children raised by gay and lesbian parents may have difficulties with their personal and psychological development, self-esteem, and social and peer relationships. Because of this concern, researchers have focused on children's development in gay and lesbian families.
The studies conclude that children of gay or lesbian parents are no different than their counterparts raised by heterosexual parents. In "Children of Lesbian and Gay Parents," a 1992 article in Child Development, Charlotte Patterson states, "Despite dire predictions about children based on well-known theories of psychosocial development, and despite the accumulation of a substantial body of research investigating these issues, not a single study has found children of gay or lesbian parents to be disadvantaged in any significant respect relative to children of heterosexual parents."
Psychiatrist Laurintine Fromm, of the Institute of Pennsylvania Hospital, agrees with that finding. "[The] literature...does not indicate that these children fare any worse [than those of heterosexual parents] in any area of psychological development or sexual identity formation. A parent's capacity to be respectful and supportive of the child's autonomy and to maintain her own intimate attachments, far outweighs the influence of the parent's sexual orientation alone."
- 101 Replies
http://gaylife.about.com/od/gayparentingadoptio1/a/gayparent.htm
that will probably give you some information. But I think that it is a little weird but it still is normal. But, people might tease the child but the person that does is a bully and their is no need for that.
But at least they did a good thing and adopted.
Sorry, wrong site.
http://gaylife.about.com/od/gayparentingadoptio1/a/gayparent.htm
This should be the one I was talking about.
Argh, I just posted a response to this on the old topic.
What are the URLs of the websites you've taken this info from? I'm too tired to look it up...but I will say this:
The results of some studies suggest that lesbian mothers' and gay fathers' parenting skills may be superior to those of matched heterosexual couples. For instance, Flaks, Fischer, Masterpasqua, and Joseph (1995) reported that lesbian couples' parenting awareness skills were stronger than those of heterosexual couples. This was attributed to greater parenting awareness among lesbian nonbiological mothers than among heterosexual fathers. In one study, Brewaeys and her colleagues (1997) likewise reported more favorable patterns of parent-child interaction among lesbian as compared to heterosexual parents, but in another, they found greater similarities
VALIDATION! Huzzah, I made claim to this but said I'd have to come back for citations. Well, no more need- this lit. review provides plenty of evidence.
Can any evidence to the contrary be found? I get the feeling you've snagged this from a pro-gay website, Ash :P
1. The children of gay parents will end up being gay
This to me doesnt really seem like an issue. I mean being gay isnt exactly a bad thing in the first place but i can see how courts could see it the other way round.
2. The children will experience heavy turmoil in school.
This for me is probably the biggest issue. Despite the fact we are living in the 21st century there are lots of small minded people who would give the child a hard time. Also children can be very cruel without realising it. In the UK (i dunno about US) calling someone 'gay' is an insult not towards their sexual orientation but can be used generally by saying things like hes so gay. It normally means annoying or weird. It could make the child lose faith in his or her parents if they think being gay is a bad thing they have learnt from school.
3. Lesbians do not have enough "maternal" instincts to be a mother.
I would say that probably isnt true. I dont know any lesbians but i dont think you can generalise them in that way. You can't say that no lesbians are maternal enough it all depends on the person in my opinion. Even though i am happy with my parents it seems to me the biggest problem in homes is the lack of mothers. Mums whose husbands leave or walk out are ok at playing the dads role but dads can never replace a mum. So having 2 mums cant be that bad.
4. Gay couples do not have all the "right" tools to be parents.
I am not really sure what you meant by right tools. Does this mean a percieved lack of normality in comparison to other parents? I'm not surre. Soz i cant comment on that.
I see you have based a lot of this argument on facts and statistics which is good because people cant argue with them. However personally i think that in a case of pparenting skills you an never know until you are a parent. I mean if gay people should not be able to have children because they may seem to be unfit parents, what about teenagers who can't support their children properly? Their kids arent taken away. From a legal sense everyone should be treated equally gays and straights alike unless there is scientific evidence pointing out that gays are unfit paretns which from all the data you have gathered is clearly untrue then they should have as much chance of having children than anyone else.
Wittman, I am not needing information on gay parenting. This is a debate.
Strop, I just read your response in the other topic. It is spot on. I agree, it is what PEOPLE do.
Oh, and I'll post those urls in a second.
I was also happy to see that little blip you highlighted. I have always suspected this to be true. I feel that growing up in a household with two women or two men would be the most loving environment in the world. Think about the nature of gay people. We stay in committed relationships without marriage longer than most straight married couples. I can only relate to my situation and I know that Sara and I have so much love flowing between us that if a child was in the picture he/she would experience the same thing. An extremely loving house hold.
The URL's are about how it is okay if you are a child with gay parents.
Woody, I am with you on no. 2. But Strop's post in the other topic explains it very well.
On number 4 - you pretty much hit the nail on the head. I think what some people have with this issue is the fact that there are extremes in gay culture. There are butch dykes and flaming queens of men. I suppose they think that their appearance relates to how they would treat a child. Nonsense, really.
Altho i am against you on one thing. You say that
I feel that growing up in a household with two women or two men would be the most loving environment in the worldI disagree with this. In my eyes it all depends on the parents either gay or straight. This to me seems like positive prejudice highlighting the fact lots of gay people are sensitive and loving and this would be good for the kid. I know lots of guys through my bro and in the RAF who are soldiers and not exactly the sensitive types at all but are still fantastic parents. To me if the love is there then the parents will be fine.
We stay in committed relationships without marriage longer than most straight married couples.
I can think of (from various sources) a few reasons for the perceived difference in long-term relationship dynamics:
* Same-sex couples appear to have more common denominators as partnering aims.
* More incentive to make things work given cultural climate, including raising children.
* Less pressure from normative concerns that apply to behaviors derived from normative standards i.e. guys marrying a girl because that's the thing to do.
Also:
The children of gay parents will end up being gay
You know, without experiential knowledge, one can discount certain bits of evidence that can apply to different people in different ways. I was almost inclined to believing that behaviors in all cases can be changed and that people are 'malleable' in terms of preferences. But I have a very strong counterexample to that.
Good point, Woody. I am biased when it comes to love between women. This is a whole different issue I won't go into. I do not have any proof or much of a table to stand on, but I feel like the love between two women is stronger than most anything else. I just see so many straight couples fail and hate it each that it makes me believe that the love between two women is strong and unconditional.
Heh, Ash, hate to say this but I happen to know a counterexample to that too :P But hey, that's bias for you.
Yes i am not saying that is not true as like i said before i dont know any lesbian couples but i do think it all depends on the couple really and the people. I am sure that men and women are capable of the same feelings 2 women are.
Heh, I figured you did. I do want to debate on this a bit though once I get some more info together.
@woody, I am sure that the feelings for gay/straight couples are the same, if not stronger. But we are talking about the children. I really feel that children with homosexual "arents," will get alot of crap from other kids. It is just the nature of kids these days. Make fun of anyone vulnerable....
I wish it was easy to switch to homeschool for these kids, but it isn't cheap or easy. I'd co add more, but I need to collect my thoughts on this.
I agree with Asherlee with the bit about there being so much love that the child would benefit from it, and I see no problem with gay or lesbian couples raising a child or children.
For the first question, I agree with Woody, it doesn't seem to be an issue
As for the second, again I agree with Woody, school and peer pressure are huge things, and there is no doubt that the kid will be influenced, and it is up to the parents to try and get that kid into a good community that won't make fun of him or her.
For the third, my mom is nicer than my dad, so I think that if there are two of them, and they don't fight much or at all, I don't see how that could be detrimental to the child.
And for the fourth, I know several gay people, and they are nicer than anyone I know, so why can't they raise a kid in a nurturing life style as well or better than heterosexual couples. To me, I see no big obstructions or wall in the way of gay or lesbian couples actually raising kids.
I am Catholic, so I am pretty adamant that gay or lesbian people were born that way and are still normal people, but they shouldn't be married because they cannot have sex. That from the Catholic viewpoint means that for a marriage to be valid, the couple must satisfy the twofold purpose of sex: to unite a husband and wife in marriage, and procreation. Since gay or lesbian couples can't do either, they shouldn't be married. Don't get me wrong, they can still be close to each other as long as they don't try to have sex.
And to Asherlee, for that last post, I agree to a certain extent, but not that it is unconditional. But from what I know and have heard, gay/lesbian couples might be more functional than hetero couples.
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