ForumsWEPRGay Parents and Their Children

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Asherlee
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Asherlee
5,001 posts
Shepherd

This topic was spurred from the Gay Marriage topic.

Introduction
Gay couples all over the world adopt or have children of their own. This topic is going to initiate debate on some of the presented issues with gay parenting and the implications it might or might not have on the children. Please leave all the comments out like: "It's wrong because God say so."

The issues I am going to list below are a mix of irrational and rational concerns. Please remember that.

Issues

1. The children of gay parents will end up being gay.
2. The children will experience heavy turmoil in school.
3. Lesbians do not have enough "maternal" instincts to be a mother.
4. Gay couples do not have all the "right" tools to be parents.

Please discuss some of these issues (though some are so stupid it is funny).

Info I will contribute

Below is some info I have snagged from a few reputable sites.

Beliefs that lesbian and gay adults are not fit parents likewise have no empirical foundation (Anderssen, Amlie, & Ytteroy, 2002; Brewaeys & van Hall, 1997; Parks, 1998; Patterson, 2000; Patterson & Chan, 1996; Perrin, 2002; Stacey & Biblarz, 2001; Tasker, 1999; Victor & Fish, 1995). Lesbian and heterosexual women have not been found to differ markedly either in their overall mental health or in their approaches to child rearing (Bos et al., 2004; Kweskin & Cook, 1982; Lyons, 1983; Miller, Jacobsen, & Bigner, 1981; Mucklow & Phelan, 1979; Pagelow, 1980; Parks, 1998; Patterson, 2001; Rand, Graham, & Rawlings, 1982; Siegenthaler & Bigner, 2000; Thompson, McCandless, & Strickland, 1971). Similarly, lesbians' romantic and sexual relationships with other women have not been found to detract from their ability to care for their children (Bos et al., 2004; Chan et al., 1998b; Pagelow, 1980). Lesbian couples who are parenting together have most often been found to divide household and family labor relatively evenly and to report satisfaction with their couple relationships (Bos et al., 2004; Brewaeys et al., 1997; Chan, et al., 1998a; Ciano-Boyce & Shelley-Sireci, 2002; Hand, 1991; Johnson & O'Connor, 2002; Koepke, Hare, & Moran, 1992; Osterweil, 1991; Patterson, 1995a; Sullivan, 1996; Tasker & Golombok, 1998; Vanfraussen, Ponjaert-Kristoffersen, & Brewaeys, 2003). Research on gay fathers likewise suggests that they are likely to divide the work involved in child care relatively evenly and that they are happy with their couple relationships (Johnson & O'Connor, 2002; McPherson, 1993).

The results of some studies suggest that lesbian mothers' and gay fathers' parenting skills may be superior to those of matched heterosexual couples. For instance, Flaks, Fischer, Masterpasqua, and Joseph (1995) reported that lesbian couples' parenting awareness skills were stronger than those of heterosexual couples. This was attributed to greater parenting awareness among lesbian nonbiological mothers than among heterosexual fathers. In one study, Brewaeys and her colleagues (1997) likewise reported more favorable patterns of parent-child interaction among lesbian as compared to heterosexual parents, but in another, they found greater similarities (Vanfraussen, Ponjaert-Kristoffersen, & Brewaeys, 2003). A recent study of 256 lesbian and gay parent families found that, in contrast to patterns characterizing the majority of American parents, very few lesbian and gay parents reported any use of physical punishment (such as spanking) as a disciplinary technique; instead, they were likely to report use of positive techniques such as reasoning (Johnson & O'Connor, 2002). Certainly, research has found no reasons to believe lesbian mothers or gay fathers to be unfit parents (Armesto, 2002; Barret & Robinson, 1990; Bigner & Bozett, 1990; Bigner & Jacobsen, 1989a, 1989b; Bos et al., 2003, 2004; Bozett, 1980, 1989; Patterson, 1997; Patterson & Chan, 1996; Sbordone, 1993; Tasker & Golombok, 1997; Victor & Fish, 1995; Weston, 1991). On the contrary, results of research suggest that lesbian and gay parents are as likely as heterosexual parents to provide supportive home environments for children.

The bulk of evidence to date indicates that children raised by gay and lesbian parents are no more likely to become homosexual than children raised by heterosexuals. As one researcher put it, "If heterosexual parenting is insufficient to ensure that children will also be heterosexual, then there is no reason to conclude that children of homosexuals also will be gay".

Studies asking the children of gay fathers to express their sexual orientation showed the majority of children to be heterosexual, with the proportion of gay offspring similar to that of a random sample of the population. An assessment of more than 300 children born to gay or lesbian parents in 12 different samples shows no evidence of "significant disturbances of any kind in the development of sexual identity among these individuals."

Courts have expressed concern that children raised by gay and lesbian parents may have difficulties with their personal and psychological development, self-esteem, and social and peer relationships. Because of this concern, researchers have focused on children's development in gay and lesbian families.

The studies conclude that children of gay or lesbian parents are no different than their counterparts raised by heterosexual parents. In "Children of Lesbian and Gay Parents," a 1992 article in Child Development, Charlotte Patterson states, "Despite dire predictions about children based on well-known theories of psychosocial development, and despite the accumulation of a substantial body of research investigating these issues, not a single study has found children of gay or lesbian parents to be disadvantaged in any significant respect relative to children of heterosexual parents."

Psychiatrist Laurintine Fromm, of the Institute of Pennsylvania Hospital, agrees with that finding. "[The] literature...does not indicate that these children fare any worse [than those of heterosexual parents] in any area of psychological development or sexual identity formation. A parent's capacity to be respectful and supportive of the child's autonomy and to maintain her own intimate attachments, far outweighs the influence of the parent's sexual orientation alone."

  • 101 Replies
Wittman
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Wittman
318 posts
Nomad

Alova is right, all of that she said is right. Bullies well make the kid their target, they have a huge chance of become a gay, the kid will have to suffer about their devorce, and everything she said was right.

shermzx
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shermzx
564 posts
Nomad

1. The children of gay parents will end up being gay.
It doesn't makes any sense to me,it was intended for living things to have feeling for the oppostite gender,and
i feel that gays and lesbians exist because of poor childhood care that may have caused a trauma,it can't say that it's impossible for their kids to turn gay/lesbian,i know i'm contradicting myself.

This does not apply that the kids will definitely turn gay/lesbian,if the parents guide their kids to the right path,i'm sure the possiblity will be lessen,when young,kids will definitely listen and believe their parents,if the parents give them the wrong advice to life,it's possible.

2. The children will experience heavy turmoil in school.
True,the targets in school would probably be,Nerds,Gays or people of a diff colour.

lesbians would not be condemned as i feel that guys have lesser tendancy to hurt girls and it does not appear as obscene to gays.therefore,this statement is valid.

3. Lesbians do not have enough "maternal" instincts to be a mother.

Nope,it's in every one's basic knowledge,to care and love.
sometimes even fathers can do better than mothers,with courses for child caring,this state ment will be invalid.

4. Gay couples do not have all the "right" tools to be parents.

yes,it's like unbalanced,somehow because the kids,who are girls will not be able to communicate to them more easily than mothers.
they will tend to keep things to themselves.
in terms of caring,sometime gays are more caring than female.

i hate gays who act more feminine than females though,it's very very obscene.

Moegreche
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Moegreche
3,827 posts
Duke

This is all blatant stereotyping, whether positive or negative. You cannot put gay people into neat little categories like this.
While bullying at school might be an issue in some regions it is also fairly easy to take care of, and bullying is a factor in any kid's life regardless of their family situation.
Now, statistically speaking, gays and lesbians have a much higher disposable income than the average American (this is not a stereotype, merely a statistic) and I would imagine a gay couple would have to choose to have a child... y'know cuz their plumbing doesn't work like that.
Now really, would you rather be the product of a healthy loving relationship that decided to have a child or the product of a back-seat grope fest between two 16 year olds? Hmmm, maybe that was a bit of a loaded question there, but I think my point stands.

shermzx
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shermzx
564 posts
Nomad

..i dun understand wat you wrote,can you put it in a simpler form?

Moegreche
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Moegreche
3,827 posts
Duke

Okay, but nobody gets to straw man me, then!
Gay couples get to decide if/when they want kids and usually have more money than other couples. There are some married couples that have kids for the right reasons, but many think they want kids or think they're supposed to have kids because that's the "normal" thing to do. But, speaking from my experience, kids really really suck your life and money away. There are no "accidental kids" in gay relationships.

Wittman
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Wittman
318 posts
Nomad

So Moe, what you are saying is that getting a kid is a huge finacial upset. So in other words, just do have/adopt kids.

Moegreche
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Moegreche
3,827 posts
Duke

Certainly, although I would change the "do" in your last sentence to a "don't". It's pretty tough to be in a financially stable position to have one of those little money sucking demons but I really don't like the pressure placed on women to get married and have kids. It is so ingrained in the American culture that is becomes a sense of identity.

Wittman
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Wittman
318 posts
Nomad

Well, instead of have them right away, maybe you should save up a little bit them have. That wouldn't be so bad.

Asherlee
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Asherlee
5,001 posts
Shepherd

Now really, would you rather be the product of a healthy loving relationship that decided to have a child or the product of a back-seat grope fest between two 16 year olds?


Moe, you really are awesome. That is so true. Unfortunately, places like MS and AL would rather have that 16 y/o have that child and marry the ungrateful a-hole that she screwed around with than have two lesbians like my gf and I (who would love a child more than anything in the world) have a child.
Ninjacube
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Ninjacube
584 posts
Nomad

Now really, would you rather be the product of a healthy loving relationship that decided to have a child or the product of a back-seat grope fest between two 16 year olds?


Have you forgotten that there are healthy loving relationships between a man and a woman also? That's what I would have chosen.
Asherlee
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Asherlee
5,001 posts
Shepherd

He isn't saying that there are not health, loving relationships between men and women. If you would read before that posting he is talking about the issue at hand. Gay parents and their children. It is ridiculous that the courts would take a child away from a loving home of say, two women, yet there are 16 year old kids running around having children and they will remain in that home even if the situation is somewhat bad.

Moegreche
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Moegreche
3,827 posts
Duke

No, you're right and I certainly don't want to take away from those situations, but I do think that it's pretty strange that it is societally acceptable for a young couple like that to accidentally have a child than it is for a gay couple to plan to have one.
Certainly, planning needs to be involved whenever children start entering into the equation, but I don't want my main point here to be lost:
Gay couples are just as (if not more) capable of providing for a child that straight couples, and since the only means of a gay obtaining a child is through adoption or in vitro fertilization that means that at least some planning goes into the decision.
So, with gay couples you just don't have certain ethical dilemmas like contraceptives, abortions as a means of birth control, and little "accidents" running around.
Certainly, you have irresponsible people batting on both teams, but the simple fact remains that unwanted pregnancies are hardly an issue with gay/lesbian couples.

Moegreche
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Moegreche
3,827 posts
Duke

Wow, Ash, you must've posted while I was typing but yeah, that's exactly what I meant to say in that last post, you just did it much more concisely

Wittman
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Wittman
318 posts
Nomad

I would have to agree with both moderators now. I think they are right with everything they had to say.

Asherlee
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Asherlee
5,001 posts
Shepherd

I write concisely because I am shorter than you.

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