Forums → Art, Music, and Writing → Amulet, a fiction story.

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Destor

706 posts

Nomad

Posted January 9, '09 4:51am UTC

Hello, Armor Games! I have now started to write an entire series, based on a game me and my brother made up a long time ago. There will be 4 parts in the first story -Amulet- and the first will be telling you about the world. The next 4 parts will be broken into chapters, but that is of unimportance. Part 1 (not I, donât get them confused.) is from the perspective of Destor, a half-human who embarks on a journey of revenge. Part 2 is about Destor's son, Destor II. (for the sake of simplicity, he will be referred to as Destor II always) The 2nd part of the story is from Destor II's perspective, about his growing up and then embarking on a long search. Part 3 is from Destor II's daughterâs perspective- about how she rises from a street urchin to a awesomely powerful bounty hunter. (Any resemblance in part 3 to the Metroid series and Samus Aran is entirely coincidental, I just had an awesome idea once.)All of the parts have the same basic story, the main part of which starts near the end of part 1 and ends in the middle of part 3, and in the end it all wraps up. So I present to you- part I, the introduction.

Part i: Basis.

"Ah, how much you do not notice, when you have to focus on one thing."-Matt.

Destor- "a million years pass, but time never changes."

"At the start, we lived on Earth. We never knew. Never cared. How much of that would change, and so soon."- United Galaxies Prez.

Earth, 2000 years from now. A lot has changed, and most of it was better. The main changes: Earth is now the hub of interplanetary commune and trade, for the entire galaxy. The whole world and galaxy is united under one powerful leader, though some might say two. The other sentient race has been found- the Steeli. The Steeli are a race of beings that come in many forms, but the most basic representation of them is like this:

<

They have large hollow bodies that humans can fit inside`and use for travel, if the Steelix is willing. They live billions of years, and have incredible knowledge and strength. 1700 years ago, they came to Earth; however the Humans acted on limited information and attacked them. After a 20 year war, the humans stopped all hostility, after realizing that the Steeli were only a threat if they made them be. The 1700 years that followed were ones of peace and learning, and expansion to a million worlds, everywhere across the galaxy. The main importance of the Steeli in this story is that they can take human forms for a few years at a time, and thus that can lead to one thing only-hybrids. The main character of part 1 is one half-Steelix, the main character of part 2 is one quarter-Steelix, and the main character of part 3 is one 8th-Steelix. The only other importance they have in this story is that the main character of part 1 has a Steelix companion, his half-brother.

The biggest change is the other leader of the universe. It is one corporation that rules all of the others, except for one. (That is Geico, but they are really owned by Atech, just used to make an artificial insurance market.) Atech, the corporation, is not evil; they just produce things extremely well and fast. They do not directly sell anything other than technology themselves, to create more jobs. The Atech center is located on Terra, a beautiful world that is called by some the second capital, and it is an extreme tourist location. The leader of Atech-sometimes called the second leader-is known as Matt, a genius in every way and he also is rumored to contain Steelix blood, but that is not confirmed. Matt and the main character of part one are childhood friends, and both of them would do almost anything to save the other one from something.

That is enough for now, the story will continue later with part 1.

How did you like the backstory? I tried my best on it, but it is hard explaining something to an outsider when it has been going on for 5 years. I actually only included the relevant information, but you do not need to know anything else, and if I think you do later you will learn it then.

Hello, Armor Games! I have now started to write an entire series, based on a game me and my brother made up a long time ago. There will be 4 parts in the first story -Amulet- and the first will be telling you about the world. The next 4 parts will be broken into chapters, but that is of unimportance. Part 1 (not I, donâ��t get them confused.) is from the perspective of Destor, a half-human who embarks on a journey of revenge. Part 2 is about Destor's son, Destor II. (for the sake of simplicity, he will be referred to as Destor II always) The 2nd part of the story is from Destor II's perspective, about his growing up and then embarking on a long search. Part 3 is from Destor II's daughterâ��s perspective- about how she rises from a street urchin to a awesomely powerful bounty hunter. (Any resemblance in part 3 to the Metroid series and Samus Aran is entirely coincidental, I just had an awesome idea once.)All of the parts have the same basic story, the main part of which starts near the end of part 1 and ends in the middle of part 3, and in the end it all wraps up. So I present to you- part I, the introduction. \r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\nPart i: Basis.\r\n\r\n"[i]Ah, how much you do not notice, when you have to focus on one thing.[/i]"-Matt.\r\n\r\nDestor- "[i]a million years pass, but time never changes.[/i]"\r\n\r\n"[i]At the start, we lived on Earth. We never knew. Never cared. How much of that would change, and so soon.[/i]"- United Galaxies Prez.\r\n\r\n	Earth, 2000 years from now. A lot has changed, and most of it was better. The main changes: Earth is now the hub of interplanetary commune and trade, for the entire galaxy. The whole world and galaxy is united under one powerful leader, though some might say two.  The other sentient race has been found- the Steeli. The Steeli are a race of beings that come in many forms, but the most basic representation of them is like this:\r\n\r\n<\r\n\r\n	They have large hollow bodies that humans can fit inside`and use for travel, if the Steelix is willing. They live billions of years, and have incredible knowledge and strength. 1700 years ago, they came to Earth; however the Humans acted on limited information and attacked them. After a 20 year war, the humans stopped all hostility, after realizing that the Steeli were only a threat if they made them be. The 1700 years that followed were ones of peace and learning, and expansion to a million worlds, everywhere across the galaxy. The main importance of the Steeli in this story is that they can take human forms for a few years at a time, and thus that can lead to one thing only-hybrids. The main character of part 1 is one half-Steelix, the main character of part 2 is one quarter-Steelix, and the main character of part 3 is one 8th-Steelix. The only other importance they have in this story is that the main character of part 1 has a Steelix companion, his half-brother.\r\n\r\nThe biggest change is the other leader of the universe. It is one corporation that rules all of the others, except for one. (That is Geico, but they are really owned by Atech, just used to make an artificial insurance market.) Atech, the corporation, is not evil; they just produce things extremely well and fast. They do not directly sell anything other than technology themselves, to create more jobs. The Atech center is located on Terra, a beautiful world that is called by some the second capital, and it is an extreme tourist location. The leader of Atech-sometimes called the second leader-is known as Matt, a genius in every way and he also is rumored to contain Steelix blood, but that is not confirmed. Matt and the main character of part one are childhood friends, and both of them would do almost anything to save the other one from something.\r\n\r\nThat is enough for now, the story will continue later with part 1.\r\n\r\nHow did you like the backstory? I tried my best on it, but it is hard explaining something to an outsider when it has been going on for 5 years. I actually only included the relevant information, but you do not need to know anything else, and if I think you do later you will learn it then.

73 Replies

offline

Destor

706 posts

Nomad

Posted January 9, '09 5:39am UTC

Part i Chapter two-Powers.

Hey, wow, I can jump really high!

-Destor, on discovering his abilitys.

DestorII-

Is this a gift?....Or a curseâ¦..?

The Steeli have some incredible powers, the fastest of them can travel across the known parts of the universe in a day, and the strongest have been known to move planets. Naturally part-Steeli have some of these power as well, to a lesser extent. I will now give a list of the basic powers all part Steeli have, and then each of the three main characters special abilities.

Jumping- all part-Steeli can jump over tall buildings.
Power- the have much strength, and can take a lot more than a normal human, sometimes people have emptied entire clips into them to just be killed a moment later.
Weakness- they have a deadly weakness to radioactive things, and one more thing on the subject of weakness, the characters might seem overpowered, but the reason that they are that way is because they face epic enemies. Sure, Destor can destroy an army when he is angry, but he has met his match more than once, and almost been killed on several occasions.

Intelligence- All part-Steeli have great intelligence, but normal humans have occasionally been known to be as smart as them however.

Element- All part-Steeli have control over an element, it awakens with the rest of their powers at the age of about 16 Human Earth years.
Special abilities.
Destor- Lightning powers. He starts out being able to zap people, but eventually he can summon raging thunderstorms. He has the highest jumping of all the part-Steeli, and he also has a great intelligence.

DestorII- Plasma abilities. The most basic form of this is being able to zap people with his finger, but he can later warp himself across great distances with this, among other things. He has the second-highest known intelligence of any thing that is part or fully human, and is rather strong.

Maria(DestorII's daughter.)- Ice powers. Her elemental control stays dormant until an unusually high age, and does not come into play at all during this story. She is an incredible aim, and has extreme athletic ability. She has one trait that is sort of a curse, she seems to attract men, but she never wants a relationship, based on how all of her family's seem to go. (She later does get amrried, but that is unimportant....)

A last note, Earth and Terra share the exact same time measurement, as do all of the human colonized worlds. The measurement is different from ours, but it will be changed to the approximate times it should be.

The final final note, travel is extremely swift, and time occurs the same for all people at all speeds (they have better physics in that age) so if a voyage takes 10 minutes (the standard time from one Solar System to another) no other time will have passed to other people, thus enabling long travel without the problems of relativity. I won't explain how this is done, because I do not really know myself. My bro might, but I doubt it.

Part i Chapter two-Powers.\r\n\r\n[quote]Hey, wow, I can jump really high![/quote]-Destor, on discovering his abilitys.\r\n\r\nDestorII-[quote]Is this a gift?....Or a curseâ�¦..?[/quote]\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\nThe Steeli have some incredible powers, the fastest of them can travel across the known parts of the universe in a day, and the strongest have been known to move planets. Naturally part-Steeli have some of these power as well, to a lesser extent. I will now give a list of the basic powers all part Steeli have, and then each of the three main characters special abilities.\r\n\r\nJumping- all part-Steeli can jump over tall buildings.\r\nPower- the have much strength, and can take a lot more than a normal human, sometimes people have emptied entire clips into them to just be killed a moment later.\r\nWeakness- they have a deadly weakness to radioactive things, and one more thing on the subject of weakness, the characters might seem overpowered, but the reason that they are that way is because they face epic enemies. Sure, Destor can destroy an army when he is angry, but he has met his match more than once, and almost been killed on several occasions.\r\n\r\nIntelligence- All part-Steeli have great intelligence, but normal humans have occasionally been known to be as smart as them however.\r\n\r\nElement- All part-Steeli have control over an element, it awakens with the rest of their powers at the age of about 16 Human Earth years.\r\nSpecial abilities.\r\nDestor- Lightning powers. He starts out being able to zap people, but eventually he can summon raging thunderstorms. He has the highest jumping of all the part-Steeli, and he also has a great intelligence.\r\n\r\nDestorII- Plasma abilities. The most basic form of this is being able to zap people with his finger, but he can later warp himself across great distances with this, among other things. He has the second-highest known intelligence of any thing that is part or fully human, and is rather strong.\r\n\r\nMaria(DestorII's daughter.)- Ice powers. Her elemental control stays dormant until an unusually high age, and does not come into play at all during this story. She is an incredible aim, and has extreme athletic ability. She has one trait that is sort of a curse, she seems to attract men, but she never wants a relationship, based on how all of her family's seem to go. (She later does get amrried, but that is unimportant....)\r\n\r\nA last note, Earth and Terra share the exact same time measurement, as do all of the human colonized worlds. The measurement is different from ours, but it will be changed to the approximate times it should be.\r\n\r\nThe final final note, travel is extremely swift, and time occurs the same for all people at all speeds (they have better physics in that age) so if a voyage takes 10 minutes (the standard time from one Solar System to another) no other time will have passed to other people, thus enabling long travel without the problems of relativity. I won't explain how this is done, because I do not really know myself. My bro might, but I doubt it.

offline

Destor

706 posts

Nomad

Posted January 10, '09 3:31am UTC

Part i, chapter 3. Gaps.

No quotes for this one, sorry.

--Me.

This last chapter of part i is about all of the gaps in the information I have posted above. I realize this is a triple post, but the time between each post is very long. So, here are the gaps.

Steeli- forgot a bit about this part, sorry. The Steeli's bodies have an outer plate of mythril, which they get through the rocks they eat. Yes, they eat rocks. The more mythril in a rock the tastier it is to a Steeli, which is how their bodies get them to eat mythril. Once a Steeli eats mythril it starts to maintain an outer coat of it, that protects them from most anything. I also forgot to mention that they are divided into clans, which have territory and each clan possess a special power. For example, the clan that Destor comes from are extremely fast, some can break light speed.

[Brackets]- will be used by me to explain something that is not said in the story. The most common example of this will be Destor[II], when the characters in the book would call him Destor, but I clear it up for you.

Weird- Is what the story is. The background and universe was made by two kids aged 7 and 10, a long time ago. The story here is filling in a gap that I always found lacking, so it is not prewritten(though I know how the ending has to happen to keep with the game.)

A better drawing of Steeli-

<|. Plus they are really huge, I wish I had a better example but I fail at drawing in Paint.net, and it takes me forever to upload images, so yeah. I could make a 3-d one out of legos, then take a picture of it, but I can't be bothered to find the camera and wait for the picture to upload. Imagine them as giant jaws that end in a point. They are like a four-sided pyramid on it's side, with a long tip, and then a rectangular prism stuck out of that , but really really big. The smallest ones of the first tier- I'm not gonna explain tiers, but basically a higher tier is better in any way- can fit a human inside of their "mouth". One last thing about these dudes, they talk telepathically. In fact, some humans have started to develop telepathic powers due to the mingling of their societies.

Geico- that was a joke my brother made up, I just included it to be random.

Title- that should change soon, just ignore the typo for now. And please don't say "great sotry Destor!".

Story- it should begin very soon. No, you do not get spoilers.

Decide- Sometimes I will ask the readers to decide on a course of action for the characters, this will not change the main outcome of the story but it may affect how the character is portrayed, and what friends he as, and who survives. Just little tidbits. Do not expect any of these for the first few chapters, I have those mostly planned out.

Done- if anything was unclear to you, drop me a line at my profile, or just say it here. I should have the first chapter of part 1 up by midnight EST, so an hour and a half ish. Great, now I have to write all of that...

MAJOR SPOILER!!!!!!

Destor's favorite food is burritos, with incredible amounts of hot sauce on them- he is the only person who can stand that much hot sauce.

JK! The spoiler is that you will not hear anything about this "amulet" until part 2, though it does appear in part 1. Think of them as separate stories, in the same world.

Part i, chapter 3. Gaps.\r\n\r\n[quote]No quotes for this one, sorry.[/quote]--Me.\r\n\r\nThis last chapter of part i is about all of the gaps in the information I have posted above. I realize this is a triple post, but the time between each post is very long. So, here are the gaps.\r\n\r\nSteeli- forgot a bit about this part, sorry. The Steeli's bodies have an outer plate of mythril, which they get through the rocks they eat. Yes, they eat rocks. The more mythril in a rock the tastier it is to a Steeli, which is how their bodies get them to eat mythril. Once a Steeli eats mythril it starts to maintain an outer coat of it, that protects them from most anything. I also forgot to mention that they are divided into clans, which have territory and each clan possess a special power. For example, the clan that Destor comes from are extremely fast, some can break light speed.\r\n\r\n[Brackets]- will be used by me to explain something that is not said in the story. The most common example of this will be Destor[II], when the characters in the book would call him Destor, but I clear it up for you.\r\n\r\nWeird- Is what the story is. The background and universe was made by two kids aged 7 and 10, a long time ago. The story here is filling in a gap that I always found lacking, so it is not prewritten(though I know how the ending has to happen to keep with the game.)\r\n\r\nA better drawing of Steeli-\r\n\r\n<|. Plus they are really huge, I wish I had a better example but I fail at drawing in Paint.net, and it takes me forever to upload images, so yeah. I could make a 3-d one out of legos, then take a picture of it, but I can't be bothered to find the camera and wait for the picture to upload. Imagine them as giant jaws that end in a point. They are like a four-sided pyramid on it's side, with a long tip, and then a rectangular prism stuck out of that , but really really big. The smallest ones of the first tier- I'm not gonna explain tiers, but basically a higher tier is better in any way- can fit a human inside of their "mouth". One last thing about these dudes, they talk telepathically. In fact, some humans have started to develop telepathic powers due to the mingling of their societies.\r\n\r\nGeico- that was a joke my brother made up, I just included it to be random.\r\n\r\nTitle- that should change soon, just ignore the typo for now. And please don't say "great sotry Destor!".\r\n\r\nStory- it should begin very soon. No, you do not get spoilers.\r\n\r\nDecide- Sometimes I will ask the readers to decide on a course of action for the characters, this will not change the main outcome of the story but it may affect how the character is portrayed, and what friends he as, and who survives. Just little tidbits. Do not expect any of these for the first few chapters, I have those mostly planned out.\r\n\r\nDone- if anything was unclear to you, drop me a line at my profile, or just say it here. I should have the first chapter of part 1 up by midnight EST, so an hour and a half ish. Great, now I have to write all of that...\r\n\r\nMAJOR SPOILER!!!!!!\r\n\r\nDestor's favorite food is burritos, with incredible amounts of hot sauce on them- he is the only person who can stand that much hot sauce.\r\n\r\nJK! The spoiler is that you will not hear anything about this "amulet" until part 2, though it does appear in part 1. Think of them as separate stories, in the same world.

offline

Destor

706 posts

Nomad

Posted January 10, '09 4:25am UTC

Part 1. Finally, the story is beginning. Before you read this, you must know that it is a very sad story, but not a tear-jerker or anything. The main thing you might want to know is that it is incredibly violent, there are no massacres or torture or anything, but the main character goes on a revenge mission to kill an entire group of people, and much of the later story is fighting. If you get squeamish around blood in real life, you might not wish to read this, you could get a little freaked.

A dark figure stood in the rain on a rooftop, muttering to itself "He will come... He must come..... He will come...." Over and over. Suddenly, the rainclouds began to part, and the figure jumped off, and ran away into the city.

Destor walked down the sidewalk at a leisurely pace, looking all around him and taking in the sites. He was in no hurry to get home, and it was not often he had to walk home, but today his hoverboard was broken, and he had to fix it later. He walked past a tall chain fence[force fields are still experimental, and are not in common use], and as he looked in that direction he noticed beyond it a small field of flowers.
"Hmm, those are Mary's favorite..."
Swiftly he ran around to the other side, and after checking to see if anyone was watching he jumped over the fence, clearing it easily in a single bound. When he landed he left an impression in the ground. As he set to work gathering, he thought if it was right to steal the flowers.
"Well, it isn't really a bad thing to do this, because these flowers are so rare on Terra. And I know also that she will plant more of them, so really I am just helping the flowers pollinate."
He did not avoid the fact that it was stealing, he just came up with a sort of justification. He walked back towards the fence with a small bouquet of the flowers, and jumped over it. This time he was careful not to leave an impression, but it did not really matter.
On the side of a hill, there was an impressive two-story house, it was the perfect place to combine the advantages of the city and also the rural areas. Destor walked towards the house, with the bouquet in hand, and opened the door.
"Mary, Destor[II} I'm home!"
He heard no response, so he walked into the house. He peered into the kitchen, but no one was there. He walked over to his room, opened the door, and walked in. He saw his wife[Mary, she is completely human] lying face down on the floor. He was about to ask what she was doing, but then he noticed the pool of blood beneath her. Crying out, he ran over to her side and picked her body up. Turning it over, he saw she had been stabbed, killed in some sort of murder. There were no signs of any other injury, and the room was completely normal, so she must have been asleep, either she was taking a nap or she was just resting, but then injected with a sleeping drug. Suddenly, a thought occurred to him. He rushed over to his child's room, and flung open the door. There was nothing in there unusual at all, but no Destor[II]. He looked underneath the bed, in the closet, and behind the desk, but nothing at all had happened in this room it seemed. Angrily, he ran back to his wife's corpse, and lay on the floor near it for hours. Steeli cannot cry, and as such it is incredibly hard to make a part-Steelix cry, but Destor did now. By the time he had an idea, the floor around him was very wet. Standing up, he walked outside and then jumped towards the city.

Chapter 1 is over, wow! That was actually pretty fun to type.
Spoiler-ish!

DestorII is not dead, but anything more than that you will learn in part 2. No, not chapter 2. I really wish some people would post here, but I guess they are all busy.

Part 1. Finally, the story is beginning. Before you read this, you must know that it is a very sad story, but not a tear-jerker or anything. The main thing you might want to know is that it is incredibly violent, there are no massacres or torture or anything, but the main character goes on a revenge mission to kill an entire group of people, and much of the later story is fighting. If you get squeamish around blood in real life, you might not wish to read this, you could get a little freaked.\r\n\r\n     A dark figure stood in the rain on a rooftop, muttering to itself "He will come... He must come..... He will come...." Over and over. Suddenly, the rainclouds began to part, and the figure jumped off, and ran away into the city.\r\n\r\n     Destor walked down the sidewalk at a leisurely pace, looking all around him and taking in the sites. He was in no hurry to get home, and it was not often he had to walk home, but today his hoverboard was broken, and he had to fix it later. He walked past a tall chain fence[force fields are still experimental, and are not in common use], and as he looked in that direction he noticed beyond it a small field of flowers.\r\n     "Hmm, those are Mary's favorite..."\r\n     Swiftly he ran around to the other side, and after checking to see if anyone was watching he jumped over the fence, clearing it easily in a single bound. When he landed he left an impression in the ground. As he set to work gathering, he thought if it was right to steal the flowers.\r\n    "Well, it isn't really a bad thing to do this, because these flowers are so rare on Terra. And I know also that she will plant more of them, so really I am just helping the flowers pollinate."\r\n    He did not avoid the fact that it was stealing, he just came up with a sort of justification. He walked back towards the fence with a small bouquet of the flowers, and jumped over it. This time he was careful not to leave an impression, but it did not really matter.\r\n     On the side of a hill, there was an impressive two-story house, it was the perfect place to combine the advantages of the city and also the rural areas. Destor walked towards the house, with the bouquet in hand, and opened the door.\r\n     "Mary, Destor[II} I'm home!"\r\n     He heard no response, so he walked into the house. He peered into the kitchen, but no one was there. He walked over to his room, opened the door, and walked in. He saw his wife[Mary, she is completely human] lying face down on the floor. He was about to ask what she was doing, but then he noticed the pool of blood beneath her. Crying out, he ran over to her side and picked her body up. Turning it over, he saw she had been stabbed, killed in some sort of murder. There were no signs of any other injury, and the room was completely normal, so she must have been asleep, either she was taking a nap or she was just resting, but then injected with a sleeping drug. Suddenly, a thought occurred to him. He rushed over to his child's room, and flung open the door. There was nothing in there unusual at all, but no Destor[II]. He looked underneath the bed, in the closet, and behind the desk, but nothing at all had happened in this room it seemed. Angrily, he ran back to his wife's corpse, and lay on the floor near it for hours. Steeli cannot cry, and as such it is incredibly hard to make a part-Steelix cry, but Destor did now. By the time he had an idea, the floor around him was very wet. Standing up, he walked outside and then jumped towards the city.\r\n\r\nChapter 1 is over, wow! That was actually pretty fun to type.\r\nSpoiler-ish!\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\nDestorII is not dead, but anything more than that you will learn in part 2. No, not chapter 2. I really wish some people would post here, but I guess they are all busy.

offline

Destor

706 posts

Nomad

Posted January 10, '09 11:07pm UTC

Interlude!-----------------------------------------------------------

Time for some acknowledgments, and the dedication.

This story, all parts of it, is dedicated to Thom. Good luck with your new life.

Acknowledgments
My brother- he gets the biggest acknowledgment for making up this universe, 80% of it he made up, and the rest was just random twist I threw in and he had to deal with.
Ubertuna- he changed the name of the thread, so now there is no typo. Thank you!
My parents- they provided all of the things that led up to my typing this right now, except my computer.
Myself- for forcing me to write this, and then post it up on the internet. And for typing all of this out.

Interlude over-------------------------------------------------------

offline

imthebest

1,690 posts

Nomad

Posted January 12, '09 12:20am UTC

ummmm wow its compelling
and very interesting

(first reply yay)

offline

Destor

706 posts

Nomad

Posted January 12, '09 1:04am UTC

****!!!! I forgot this very important bit of info!!!!

Every part-Steelix wears a glove on their right hand. No one knows why they do this except themselves. Some people say that their hands have horrible deformities, but others have come up with different explanations. [I do know why, but you shouldn't. Yet.]

The next chapter is coming the moment I figure out how to write this one strange bit. I really should have planned this more.

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thoadthetoad

5,642 posts

Peasant

Posted January 12, '09 3:40am UTC

*is now reading your story*

Can you read my stories? Author to author? c: plz?
Mainly the dragon travels I've had.

offline

thoadthetoad

5,642 posts

Peasant

Posted January 12, '09 3:52am UTC

meh, not exactly my cup of tea, but you did pretty well.
The lack of dialogue, however, made it a little boring and useing the [quote ] [/quote] was a little annoying to read. I recommend getting firefox, to prevent server shutdowns. That way you can safely do the punctuation mark " without it turning up as funny pictures and whatnot such as:ââº â-ÃÂ«â 1Ãâ" and whatnot.
SO yeah.

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RaptorExx

2,202 posts

Farmer

Posted January 12, '09 3:58am UTC

While I don't fully understand the story, I need to reread it prolly >_>

It's very good I didn't get it at first because you're notes and the story sort of mixed to me but now that I've read it two times I really like it ^^

was a little annoying to read. I recommend getting firefox, to prevent server shutdowns. That way you can safely do the punctuation mark " without it turning up as funny pictures and whatnot such as:Ã¢ï¿½ï¿½Ã¢ï¿½Âº Ã¢-ï¿½Ãï¿½ÃÂ«Ã¢ï¿½ 1Ãï¿½Ã¢"ï¿½ and whatnot.

Isn't that because it was Microsoft Word or something? But yeah that was annoying at first that's probably why I got SO confused reading it XP

Can't wait to read the next part =)

offline

Destor

706 posts

Nomad

Posted January 12, '09 4:21am UTC

I'm glad that the ad worked, and that I got a new fan. Time to write out the next chapter, this is the first part I don't have planned. This chapter might seem a little bit cheesy, with his equipment, but I have to stay true to the game.

One last note, Steeli is the plural of Steelix, in case that was confusing.

Chapter 2.

Destor had just stopped crying by the time he got to the doors of Atech, and now he was in the mood most part-Steeli get when something bad happens to them- angry. He slammed open the door, walked up to the secratry, and said
"Call Matt, now."
"He's busy" the secretary responded. "Said to take no calls, no matter who it was"
Tell him it was Destor, he'll come."
"I can't do that sir, orders are orders, and- GAACKK!"
Her last words were cut off by Destor's abrupt grabbing of her throat, reaching over the table with his other hand, and saying
"Will Matt please come to the desk now?" into the intercom. Suddenly Destor found himself in the top story of Atech, standing next to Matt. Matt was Destor' basic opposite, he thought over everything before he did it, and had a very calm demeanor. He also had very limited fighting capabilities, he was limited to his incredible telekinetic abilities.
"What just happened?" Destor said, referring to the teleport.
"A new experimental teleport security system. Normally people go to jail- without passing go or getting 200 credits- but all part-Steeli go to my room, because I am the only person who can restrain them." Matt responded, chuckling at his monopoly joke, because Atech has a monoply on about everything.
"Not a radioactive room?" Destor said angrily.
"That would be to cruel. Anyway, why are you here and why are you strangling my secretary?"
"..."
"Any reason? Well!?!"
"The silver order* killed Mary, and Destor[II] is missing or kidnapped"
"This is just another reason you shouldn't have the mind-block** up, I wouldn't have acted like this."

Chapter 2 over!
*No, you do not get to find out what the silver order is yet, or how Destor knew it was them.

** A mind block is something an experienced Psy[people with telekinesis and mind reading abilities] can put up to stop other Psys from entering their mind. Matt put one up for Destor long ago, and after you put one up for another person only they can bring it down. Actually, extremely strong Psys can bring down others' shields, as long as the shield are much weaker than the Psy.

Yay for more people posting!

I'm glad that the ad worked, and that I got a new fan. Time to write out the next chapter, this is the first part I don't have planned. This chapter might seem a little bit cheesy, with his equipment, but I have to stay true to the game.\r\n\r\nOne last note, Steeli is the plural of Steelix, in case that was confusing.\r\n\r\nChapter 2.\r\n\r\nDestor had just stopped crying by the time he got to the doors of Atech, and now he was in the mood most part-Steeli get when something bad happens to them- angry. He slammed open the door, walked up to the secratry, and said\r\n"Call Matt, now."\r\n"He's busy" the secretary responded. "Said to take no calls, no matter who it was"\r\nTell him it was Destor, he'll come." \r\n"I can't do that sir, orders are orders, and- GAACKK!"\r\nHer last words were cut off by Destor's abrupt grabbing of her throat, reaching over the table with his other hand, and saying\r\n"Will Matt please come to the desk now?" into the intercom. Suddenly Destor found himself in the top story of Atech, standing next to Matt. Matt was Destor' basic opposite, he thought over everything before he did it, and had a very calm demeanor. He also had very limited fighting capabilities, he was limited to his incredible telekinetic abilities.\r\n"What just happened?" Destor said, referring to the teleport.\r\n"A new experimental teleport security system. Normally people go to jail- without passing go or getting 200 credits- but all part-Steeli go to my room, because I am the only person who can restrain them." Matt responded, chuckling at his monopoly joke, because Atech has a monoply on about everything.\r\n"Not a radioactive room?" Destor said angrily.\r\n"That would be to cruel. Anyway, why are you here and why are you strangling my secretary?"\r\n"..."\r\n"Any reason? Well!?!"\r\n"The silver order* killed Mary, and Destor[II] is missing or kidnapped"\r\n"This is just another reason you shouldn't have the mind-block** up, I wouldn't have acted like this."\r\n\r\n\r\nChapter 2 over!\r\n*No, you do not get to find out what the silver order is yet, or how Destor knew it was them.\r\n\r\n** A mind block is something an experienced Psy[people with telekinesis and mind reading abilities] can put up to stop other Psys from entering their mind. Matt put one up for Destor long ago, and after you put one up for another person only they can bring it down. Actually, extremely strong Psys can bring down others' shields, as long as the shield are much weaker than the Psy.\r\n\r\nYay for more people posting!

offline

Destor

706 posts

Nomad

Posted January 12, '09 4:39am UTC

Oh, and I meant that the story itself might seem a bit cheesy now, he gets an orange jumpsuit and a spear. He donated them to Matt for research, and now he needs them back. He also, well you will find that part out later.

The Atech building is like an Empire state building that goes up to 500+ storys, and has a elevator that attaches to a space station that is a docking center, where all merchant vessels go for their cargo inspection. It is also the home of Atech's space navy. Yes, Atech has a military force, they have basically replaced the army, it is so huge. In fact there is no army left any more but Atechs.

offline

Destor

706 posts

Nomad

Posted January 13, '09 12:52am UTC

An artist(ThoadTheToad)'s rendering of a Steelix should be here within a week, so hold tight for that.
Pronunciatoin guide is here! Destor- deh store. Matt- mat. Steelix- Steel licks. Psy- sigh. Atech- a tek. Stayen- Sty- yen.
Chapter 3 is ready for action!
"......."
"......."
"......."
"......."
"......."
"Ok, I'm sorry," after the awkward silence following his last statement, Matt figured he had to at least say this. "I didn't know, how could I have known."
"I'm glad to hear that. At least you can stoop so low to say your sorry to someone who is less than you!"
"Destor! Stop!" Matt grabbed Destor with his mind, and restrained him against the wall. " If you attack me, it will be the end of your days."
"... I'm... Sorry..." Destor was not used to saying those words." I just... I'm angry, and I don't know what to do"
"You're sure it was the Silver Order?"
"Certain. I picked up the energy trace of one of their agents"
"I see.... The last time you fought them, you were almost utterly destroyed. And Styen barely recovered."
"Is Styen ready now?"
" He should be. I think he was waiting on planet X56GB. That would be- Ayernashams, or Aeoen."
"He is there?"
"Yes, he wanted to go back to a place he lived in once."
"I see, do you have ship I could borrow, something fast."
"Destor, you can't be thinking about leaving again."
"I have nothing to worry about leaving behind. And besides, I have to do this."
"Ok, you will need your equipment though. I finished studying it."
Matt walked over towards a sealed closet, did an iris scan, a thumb scan, punched in a number, pushed in a key, added another number, and finally flashed a pass at a camera. The closet door opened, the security for it shut off, and Matt walked in with Destor following behind. Matt gestured towards the spear and other equipment on the wall. Destor walked over and grabbed the mythril spear, testing its weight.
"Ah, just like old times," he said.
" Take the rest as well, we are done with it."
Destor grabbed an orange jumpsuit off of the wall, proceeding to grab a hat, and a cape.
"Well, it is all there."
"Thought we would destroy it?"
"I don't trust some of your staff."
"Well, here are the keys to a Toad-class cutter ship, the fastest we have made."
"You don't expect to get this back, do you?"
"Not exactly," Matt grinned "Especially after what happened to the last ship you borrowed."
"Well, that wasn't my fault, it was hit by a laser."
"I could make a bad joke about that, but I won't. Good luck, Destor."
"Thank you Matt, I have to go now." Destor prepared to leave." Oh Matt, if Destor[II] comes here ever, tell him not to stray from the side of the light, he will know what that means."
"The old system of clues? He should be bright enough. I'll train him, personally."
"Ok, goodbye."
Destor jumped out of Matts window, aimed for the ground. MAtt winced, people always jumped out of that one window, and he had replaced it over 300 times so far. At the ground, Destor hopped into the shiny new ship that had been prepped for him- Matt sent out an order telepathically- and lifted off. His destination? Planet X56GB, called Ayernashams in Steelian, and Aeoen in galactic common.
Chapter 2 end-

Yay! Chapter 2 is over, and it might be read within 10 minutes of being posted! Okay, time to go.

An artist(ThoadTheToad)'s rendering of a Steelix should be here within a week, so hold tight for that.\r\nPronunciatoin guide is here! Destor- deh store. Matt- mat. Steelix- Steel licks. Psy- sigh. Atech- a tek. Stayen- Sty- yen. \r\nChapter 3 is ready for action!\r\n     "......."\r\n     "......."\r\n     "......."\r\n     "......."\r\n     "......."\r\n     "Ok, I'm sorry," after the awkward silence following his last statement, Matt figured he had to at least say this. "I didn't know, how could I have known."\r\n     "I'm glad to hear [b]that[/b]. At least you can stoop so low to say your sorry to someone who is less than you!"\r\n     "Destor! Stop!" Matt grabbed Destor with his mind, and restrained him against the wall. " If you attack me, it will be the end of your days."\r\n     "... I'm... Sorry..." Destor was not used to saying those words." I just... I'm angry, and I don't know what to do"\r\n     "You're sure it was the Silver Order?"\r\n     "Certain. I picked up the energy trace of one of their agents"\r\n     "I see.... The last time you fought them, you were almost utterly destroyed. And Styen barely recovered."\r\n     "Is Styen ready now?"\r\n     " He should be. I think he was waiting on planet X56GB. That would be- Ayernashams, or Aeoen."\r\n     "He is there?"\r\n     "Yes, he wanted to go back to a place he lived in once."\r\n     "I see, do you have ship I could borrow, something fast."\r\n     "Destor, you can't be thinking about leaving again."\r\n     "I have nothing to worry about leaving behind. And besides, I have to do this."\r\n     "Ok, you will need your equipment though. I finished studying it."\r\n     Matt walked over towards a sealed closet, did an iris scan, a thumb scan, punched in a number, pushed in a key, added another number, and finally flashed a pass at a camera. The closet door opened, the security for it shut off, and Matt walked in with Destor following behind. Matt gestured towards the spear and other equipment on the wall. Destor walked over and grabbed the mythril spear, testing its weight.\r\n    "Ah, just like old times," he said.\r\n    " Take the rest as well, we are done with it."\r\n     Destor grabbed an orange jumpsuit off of the wall, proceeding to grab a hat, and a cape.\r\n     "Well, it is all there."\r\n     "Thought we would destroy it?"\r\n     "I don't trust some of your staff."\r\n     "Well, here are the keys to a Toad-class cutter ship, the fastest we have made."\r\n     "You don't expect to get this back, do you?"\r\n     "Not exactly," Matt grinned "Especially after what happened to the last ship you borrowed."\r\n     "Well, that wasn't my fault, it was hit by a laser."\r\n     "I could make a bad joke about that, but I won't. Good luck, Destor."\r\n     "Thank you Matt, I have to go now." Destor prepared to leave." Oh Matt, if Destor[II] comes here ever, tell him not to stray from the side of the light, he will know what that means."\r\n     "The old system of clues? He should be bright enough. I'll train him, personally."\r\n     "Ok, goodbye."\r\n     Destor jumped out of Matts window, aimed for the ground. MAtt winced, people always jumped out of that one window, and he had replaced it over 300 times so far. At the ground, Destor hopped into the shiny new ship that had been prepped for him- Matt sent out an order telepathically- and lifted off. His destination? Planet X56GB, called Ayernashams in Steelian, and Aeoen in galactic common.\r\nChapter 2 end-\r\n\r\nYay! Chapter 2 is over, and it might be read within 10 minutes of being posted! Okay, time to go.

offline

firetail_madness

20,591 posts

Blacksmith

Posted January 13, '09 12:53am UTC

This is going to take a long time to read. The beginning is rather interesting though. A little disorganized, but whatever...

offline

Destor

706 posts

Nomad

Posted January 15, '09 12:35am UTC

Due to some technical (homework) problems, the sketch will be later than normal. Unfortunately, the next part needs that sketch rather badly. As thus, a part of the story from a different perspective, which happens at an unspecified time.

Chapter 3.5 on!
I walked back home down Rainbow Road through the Flower Fields, towards the gingerbread house of love. When I got there, I saw my animal friends prancing around the....
*static*
Wrong story, idiot!
OH! Sorry! That was the wrong tape.... One moment. I got that from someone, who thought it was a different movie, which they were gonna let me borrow. One moment...
*click**static**bip..bip...bip...**bee-dee-bee-REEEREEEREEE*
That's it... Chapter 3.5 really on now...
Clink, clank, clink, clank. I brought my hammer down on the metal rod again, shaping it into a twist. I wondered when the men would come with my lunch. I should get lunch soon, if ever. How can they expect me to work if I don't get food.
Ever since he could remember he had lived in here hammering at metals to shape it how they wanted, with the men in suits bringing food, water, and smithing equipment to him. He could never remember his childhood, all he knew was how to smith. Suddenly, the door opened. Instead of the men in dark suits, however, a woman came in. She had on the same dark suits and gloves as the men, but he could tell that she was in charge. She walked over to him, and handed him a piece of paper.
"Can you make this?" She said. He noticed that, from her voice, she was angry and something was not working for her. From this, he could tell that she was used to everything happening how she wanted it.
"I...think...." He was bad with words, and had trouble talking well. "I..can..."
"..."
Suddenly, he knew how to make the spear on the paper she had handed to him. He always knew how to make things as soon as they were needed to be made.
"Can you or not!"
"...yes.... I can." He could tell he needed to get I can out quick.
"Good. Finish this piece, and than use this metal" She handed him a long rod of a strange, silvery metal "To make that."
"O..k.."
The woman walked out of the room. He looked again at the paper. They had asked him to make weapons before, but always those were mass-produced, and never as nice as this. He also had a special metal to work with... Somehow he knew its properties compared to iron, how easily it bent and what temperature to make it with. He went back to hammering. Clink. Smash. Clink. Pound. Smash. Clink.
Chapter 3.5 over!

No, that was not DestorII.
And if you are wondering why such equipment is used in an advanced universe, it has something to do with what he was making before, and the only way to fashion mythril- the "new" materiel- is like that, and also by hand.
The next part might be 3.75, unfortunately.

Due to some technical (homework) problems, the sketch will be later than normal. Unfortunately, the next part needs that sketch rather badly. As thus, a part of the story from a different perspective, which happens at an unspecified time.\r\n\r\nChapter 3.5 on!\r\nI walked back home down Rainbow Road through the Flower Fields, towards the gingerbread house of love. When I got there, I saw my animal friends prancing around the....\r\n*static*\r\n[i]Wrong story, idiot![/i]\r\nOH! Sorry! That was the wrong tape.... One moment. I got that from someone, who thought it was a different movie, which they were gonna let me borrow. One moment...\r\n*click**static**bip..bip...bip...**bee-dee-bee-REEEREEEREEE*\r\nThat's it... Chapter 3.5 really on now...\r\n     [i]Clink, clank, clink, clank. I brought my hammer down on the metal rod again, shaping it into a twist. I wondered when the men would come with my lunch. I should get lunch soon, if ever. How can they expect me to work if I don't get food.[/i]\r\n     Ever since he could remember he had lived in here hammering at metals to shape it how they wanted, with the men in suits bringing food, water, and smithing equipment to him. He could never remember his childhood, all he knew was how to smith. Suddenly, the door opened. Instead of the men in dark suits, however, a woman came in. She had on the same dark suits and gloves as the men, but he could tell that she was in charge. She walked over to him, and handed him a piece of paper.\r\n     "Can you make this?" She said. He noticed that, from her voice, she was angry and something was not working for her. From this, he could tell that she was used to everything happening how she wanted it.\r\n     "I...think...." He was bad with words, and had trouble talking well. "I..can..." \r\n     "..."\r\nSuddenly, he knew how to make the spear on the paper she had handed to him. He always knew how to make things as soon as they were needed to be made.\r\n     "Can you or not!"\r\n     "...yes.... I can." He could tell he needed to get I can out quick.\r\n     "Good. Finish this piece, and than use this metal" She handed him a long rod of a strange, silvery metal "To make that."\r\n     "O..k.."\r\n     The woman walked out of the room. He looked again at the paper. They had asked him to make weapons before, but always those were mass-produced, and never as nice as this. He also had a special metal to work with... Somehow he knew its properties compared to iron, how easily it bent and what temperature to make it with. He went back to hammering. Clink. Smash. Clink. Pound. Smash. Clink.\r\nChapter 3.5 over!\r\n\r\nNo, that was not DestorII.\r\nAnd if you are wondering why such equipment is used in an advanced universe, it has something to do with what he was making before, and the only way to fashion mythril- the "new" materiel- is like that, and also by hand.\r\nThe next part might be 3.75, unfortunately.

offline

Destor

706 posts

Nomad

Posted January 16, '09 2:59am UTC

Unfortunately, there is no picture yet. But I suppose that you should all use your imagination, when the first Steelix comes in. Actually, that might not happen for a few chapters- I'm gonna stall it a bit. No chapter 3.75 though, luckily for you and unluckily for me and the artist. Anyway, it is time. Time to sleep. Er, write.
Chapter 4 is on!

Destor flew into the atmosphere of planet Aeoen. He lowered down to the height of 2,000 meters, and prepared to jump. Suddenly, the monitor beeped to life, and Matt's face appeared on it.
"Destor, don't crash the ship."
"I can do whatever I want!" Destor made a face at the screen, knowing it was one-way video. He also made an offensive hand gesture.[Not what you are thinking, this is specific to this universe and not as bad as... Well, that.]
"Destor, this ship has two-way video."
"Oh, I see. Disregard that then. But I can still crash it."
"Destor, what if Styen is not there? Then you will be stranded for a bit as I send a ship to recover you. The nearest vessel that I can send is 3 days away. It is an old ship, without the latest engines. Unfortunately, it is the only ship available."
" Fine. Destor out."
He reached up and flipped the switch on the monitor. He didn't need autopilot for landing, he only used it for the boring minuscule adjustments while flying from system to system, to avoid space junk and other ships.
A few moments later, Destor jumped out of his ship, after a smooth landing. He scanned the area around him, searching for life.
"If Styen wasn't alerted to my coming, he would be meditating in the temple. Or I should say the temple ruins."
Destor grabbed his spear from the ship, and set out towards the ruins of the ancient Steelian city.
Chapter 4 over!
The next part should be actiony, lucky you. I don't know if you will see a Steelix yet, it really depends on if the drawing is done and good enough.

Unfortunately, there is no picture yet. But I suppose that you should all use your imagination, when the first Steelix comes in. Actually, that might not happen for a few chapters- I'm gonna stall it a bit. No chapter 3.75 though, luckily for you and unluckily for me and the artist. Anyway, it is time. Time to sleep. Er, write.\r\nChapter 4 is on!\r\n\r\n     Destor flew into the atmosphere of planet Aeoen. He lowered down to the height of 2,000 meters, and prepared to jump. Suddenly, the monitor beeped to life, and Matt's face appeared on it.\r\n     "Destor, don't crash the ship."\r\n     "I can do whatever I want!" Destor made a face at the screen, knowing it was one-way video. He also made an offensive hand gesture.[Not what you are thinking, this is specific to this universe and not as bad as... Well, [b]that[/b].]\r\n     "Destor, this ship has two-way video."\r\n     "Oh, I see. Disregard that then. But I can still crash it."\r\n     "Destor, what if Styen is  not there? Then you will be stranded for a bit as I send a ship to recover you. The nearest vessel that I can send is 3 days away. It is an old ship, without the latest engines. Unfortunately, it is the only ship available."\r\n     " Fine. Destor out."\r\n     He reached up and flipped the switch on the monitor. He didn't need autopilot for landing, he only used it for the boring minuscule adjustments while flying from system to system, to avoid space junk and other ships.\r\n     A few moments later, Destor jumped out of his ship, after a smooth landing. He scanned the area around him, searching for life.\r\n     "If Styen wasn't alerted to my coming, he would be meditating in the temple. Or I should say the temple ruins."\r\n     Destor grabbed his spear from the ship, and set out towards the ruins of the ancient Steelian city.\r\nChapter 4 over!\r\nThe next part should be actiony, lucky you. I don't know if you will see a Steelix yet, it really depends on if the drawing is done and good enough.

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