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The Book of Breakfastarianism
Commandments: And the Lord spoke thusly:
1) Thou shall not have any meals before breakfast. 2) Thou shall not forget to eat breakfast and thou shalt keep it delicious. 3) Thou shall not make wrongful use of breakfast by eating instant or pre-made breakfasts. 4) Thou shall not steal food from your neighbors plate at breakfast. 5) Thou shall not covet your neighbors breakfast nor his seat in the booth by the window.
The Beggining
In the beggining of time, there was nothing. But then came forth a mighty rumbling. Twas the stomach of the Lord, and He was famished. So He spoke. And He did say "Let there be light!" And the universe was washed with light, for the Lord could not make His meal in the dark. He then made all the stars in the sky and all the planets surrounding them because He thought they looked very nice. In doing so, He made a cluster of stars and planets he named the Milkyway for it sounded tasty. This galaxy became His favourite, so He made a decision: He going to create a planet with man upon it so they too could see the beauty he Made. After seven days and nights, the Lord was done making the planet and man. And the Lord did grin. And the Lord then did feast. He ate the skies, stars and the planets. He then spoke "This way, I shall always be able to watch over and protect man along with the universe around him." Feeling accomplished and satiated, the Lord then went on His way.
When David was about to fight Goliath, God quickly said "WAIT! Eat this first!"
There before him lay a plate of the most perfect breakfast ever conceived by mortal man. A plate of 3 stacked pancakes, 2 eggs over medium, and 3 strips of bacon, served with syrup and a tall, cold glass of Orange Juice. Goliath watched in awe as he quickly consumed his godly breakfast and called for his servants.
"Bring me lunch! This fool that believes in breakfast will burn in Hell!!" They quickly prepared his food, and while he ate, God laughed and said, "Ye who doth need knives art retarded".
In 2 seconds Goliath quickly attacked David, but David was too fast, and from the power of breakfast, promptly killed Goliath with a rock and a slingshot. This is the most believed story today.
