A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads: Cheese Sandwich: - $1.50. Chicken Sandwich: - $2.50. Hand Job: - $10.00. Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men. "Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?" "I was wondering", whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?" "Yes", she purrs, "indeed I am" The man replies "Well wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!"
because it was dead why did the second koala fall out of the tree... because it was hit by the first one... why did the 3rd koala fall out of the tree... cause it thought it was a game and wanted to join in
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."
The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map. Maria: This is it. Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America? Class: Maria did.
(this one is a bit harsh)
When I was young I didn't like going to weddings. My grandmother would tell me, "You're next" However, she stopped doing that after I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.
This is a racist one..I don't know it completely but here it is...
You here noises downstairs things are moving around,it is in the middle of the night you check if anything is down there you see no one, go to pick up the phone and call the police you say "there is a ghost robbing my house!"
Here is a teaching tip for physics professors: When a student tries to paraphrase something you have just taught, feed her or him the following line: "I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant." This will guarantee that the student will not interrupt your class again until the next semester...
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, âGo ahead, ask me, I know all of them.â A friend says, âOK, whatâs the capital of Wisconsin?â The blonde replies, âOh, thatâs easy: W.â
