Lawl. There was this dude at my school that would go around, it was so funny, and say wanna hear a joke? Women Drivers, and he said wanna hear a better one? Womens rights. Well there was this girl and he told her the joke but when he got to the second part he said (for easy understanding I will use the quote button.)
wanna hear a better one?
And she said
your straight
Lawl really you have to know the guy, lawl he is a little strange.
A blonde business executive was driving down the road through the wheat fields when she saw a blonde woman out in the middle of the fields in a canoe trying to row her way along. The business executive, infuriated, pulled over to the side of the road. She jumped out of her car, yelling at the woman in the canoe "You stupid blonde! It's idiots like you that give us blondes a bad reputation, you know that!?!?! If I could swim I'd come out there and kick your ass!!!"
The French President is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.
'Hallo, Mr. Sarkozy!' a heavily accented voice said. 'This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland .. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you! We voted to reject the Lisbon treaty!'
'Well, Paddy,' Sarkozy replied, 'This is indeed important news! How big is your army?'
'Right now,' says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, 'there is myself, me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eleven!'
Sarkozy paused. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command.'
'Begoora!' says Paddy. 'I'll have to ring you back.'
Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. 'Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!'
'And what equipment would that be Paddy?' Sarkozy asks. 'Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor.'
Sarkozy sighs amused. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke.'
'Saints preserve us!' says Paddy. 'I'll have to get back to you.'
Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. 'Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!'
Sarkozy was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke I have increased my army to 200,000!'
'Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!' says Paddy, 'I will have to ring you back.'
Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. 'Top o' the mornin', Mr. Sarkozy! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war.'
'Really? I am sorry to hear that,' says Sarkozy. 'Why the sudden change of heart?'
'Well,' says Paddy, 'we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness and packets of crisps, and we decided there is no fookin' way we can feed 200,000 prisoners.'
An elder American absent mindedly arrived at French customs at Paris airport and fumbled for his passport. "You have been to France before Sir?", the customs officer asked sarcastically.
The ancient Yank admitted that he had been to France before.
"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready for inspection", snapped the irate official.
The American said that the last time he came to France he did not have to show his passport.
"Impossible, old man. You Americans always have to show your passports when arriving in France."
The old American gave the Frenchman a long hard look.
"I assure you, young man, that when I came ashore on Omaha Beach in Normandy on D Day in 1944, there was no Frenchman on the beach asking to see my passport!"
There were two whales swimming around who were very bored. When they saw a fishing boat, and the one whale said to the other: I got an idea for a laugh! Why don't we swim under the boat, blow water from our blowholes and flip the boat. Just for a laugh. They proceed to do this and swim back down laughing. Then the whale says: Hey! I have an even better idea. Now that the fishermen is in the water why don't we swim back up and eat them. Then the other whale said: I'm up for a blowjob sometimes, but i refuse to swallow the seamen.
Go up to a girl Guy: Hey wanna go out sometime Girl:I have a boyfriend Guy: I have a goldfish Girl: What? Guy: Sorry I thought we were talkin bout sh*t that didn't matter
Lol, pretty funny.I have no jokes to go around. sorry.
Vinster, someone did that to me before excluding the "You Weirdo" part =p
yea i think that's very painfull, i think you shouldn't do that to a classmate, even if you really dislike him/her! it's very very harsh, except for when it appears that they both like each other..
