A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were running away from the cops. They ran into a barn, and each hid in a sack. The cops came and kicked the sack with the redhead in it, she said, "meow..." The cops said, " It's just a cat," and goes on and kicks the sack with the brunette. She says, " woof..." The cops say, " It's just a dog." They kick the sack with the blonde and she says, " Potatoe..."
Charles was weeping at a grave, "Why did you die? Why did you die? Your death ruined my life."
Banta: For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent? Wife? or Girlfriend ?
Charles: My wifeâs first husband.
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'"
A little boy was sent to bed by his father.
5 minutes later he yells: Daddy, daddy! Yes? I'm thirsty, can you bring me some water? No. You had your chance and now it's bed time, so put that light out!
5 minutes later he yells again: Daddy, daddy? Yes? I'm thirsty, can you bring me some water? No i already told you so and if you keep yelling i'll come upstairs and hit you!
5 minutes later the boy again yells.. Daddy? WHAT?! When you come upstairs to hit me, will you also bring some water?
There was an old man from Darjeeling, He boarded a bus to Ealing. He read on the door: "Please, do not spit on the floor." So he jumped up, and spat on the ceiling.
mummy mummy why am i called rose? because when u were born a rose petal fell on your head mummy mummy why am i called daisy? because when you were born a daisy fell on your head
there is a blonde convention in san jose. Thousands of blondes came to it. On the stage there is a brunette man talking about how blondes are so stupid. As he is ranting a blonde woman comes up on the stage and claims that he isn't that stupid, so the brunette man asks the blonde, "fine then. What is seventeen plus four?" immediately the blonde answers, "fourty-seven." The brunette man says, "uhm no it's twenty one." The crowd then yells, "give her another chance!" The man says, "ok ok what is ten minus two?" The woman then answers, "twelve!" The man responds, "wrong again the answer is eight!" The crowd of blondes again yells, "give her another chance!" The man, tired of the womans stupidity, says, "fine but this is her very last chance. What is eleven plus seven?" After thinking long and hard the blonde woman finally says, "eighteen!" And the blonde crowd screams, "give her another chance!"
There was this class, and there was going to be a very important test tomorrow. So the teacher was like, "I don't want anybody missing this test, no matter the reason, short of dieing, it's that important!" And the class clown guy was all like,"What if I'm suffering from complete sexual exhaustion?" And everyone laughed and then watched to see what the teacher would say. And she was like,"Then I guess you will have to write with your other hand!"
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, âIs something wrong?â
To which she replied, âThere certainly is!â
My stupid computer keeps saying, âYouâve got mail!â
